I've notice that I'm thinking more and more in my second language and that frightens me. I'm worried that, because of this my first language will become worse. At the same time though I'm really happy that I'm slowly getting better at it. I noticed that the two languages seem to kind of define me, in a way. My first is part of a carefree, happy , young life. A time were I was very naive about the world and it's happenings.My second language was used more often when I moved at first it was tough and difficult, although it's gotten better, but it kind of shows an evolution or change in me.
When I returned people who haven't seen me in years said I was exactly the same. It kind of hurt, because I felt different. I knew I was different, but almost none noticed. Was it because I've gotten better at hiding my emotions or acting or are some people just that blind? I'm unsure as to many things now.
Training's have been different as well for me. It just seems like I'm doing everything wrong, but no ones correcting me so I'm not sure if it's just me or am I actually doing it right. Then the one time I'm sure I'm doing it right, my teacher says it's wrong. How is it possible for someone to be so wrong about them selves? No matter how hard I try I just can't seem to do much of anything right.
I call myself a pessimist, but maybe that's not the right word for me. It doesn't help that I've spoken way to much recently and I hate it. I'm not used to talking so much and I'd prefer not to, but we can't always have our way. Maybe tomorrow I'll be able to talk less, just stay silent mute. That'd be nice. Put in my headphones and just listen to the world around me, while everyone else thinks I'm listening to music, when really I'm listening to them.
It's not much, but maybe It'll allow me to sleep.
Maybe, I'll see you around.
No comments:
Post a Comment