Five Senses

It smells like fresh cut grass, pinewood and shampoo

It tastes like fresh buttery popcorn and fruity skittles

It feels like soft cotton, being tightly clutched in a final embrace

It looks like a clear night sky with a few stray stars trying to brighten the lonely evening

It sounds like a wavering, unspoken promise, as their final goodbyes are said 

    It hurts more to hear the word "Goodbye" then to speak it, because the one leaving has something to keep their mind occupied. It helps keep their thoughts focused on everything, but that final exchange. While the one hearing those words can try their hardest to close their minds, but it will still echo. After a while both of them are tormented by these echos. The scene plays over in their heads and they start to second guess themselves. Did I make the right choice? Should I have stayed? When will I see them again? These questions appear and we're powerless to stop them. 

   Although this isn't for everyone, only for close friends or people you've grown attached to. Sometimes you get so used to seeing someone that it becomes impossible to think of a time without them and then suddenly, just like that those words are whispered and they're gone. Just like the wind and you didn't even realize how much they mean to you until you stop seeing them. When they start to be to far away, out of your reach. 

   I think saying goodbye is one of the most painful things there are. Flesh wounds can be healed quickly over time and then they disappear with only the occasional scar in it's place. This isn't like a flesh wound though, because they tend not to hurt until after sometime has passed and when it  does hurt- it can be indescribable. You suddenly hit this wall and you realize you miss them and wish they were hear with you. 

   This isn't like love where you end up being heartbroken crying about the unfairness or life and then being angry at your ex- no this can be worse. How? It's because you end up questioning yourself. Did I make the right choice? Why was I so stubborn? Maybe if I thought it over it'd have ended differently. These thoughts plague you and will force you to think no matter how long you run from it- you eventually stop running.

   Once you start to go over your actions you can become bitter or angry either at yourself, a second party or the world. It varies, but most end up being angry at themselves, after all it was their choice. Unless someone forced you to leave then it was your choice. 

   I could have stayed, but it just felt so wrong. I hated it their, I was miserable. The grey walls, empty house with only the cicadas to keep me company. I felt so out of place in this huge continent. I just wanted to return to everything that I knew, maybe that's why I left. I was tired of starting over. In the past three years I've gone through three different classes, each time meeting new people. Each time trying to fit in and trying to make friends, but I have enough. The final class I got to know, I didn't try to make friends, not at all. I remained aloof. It seemed I was unapproachable, because I didn't really start getting to know anyone until five months into the school year. Even then it was only a single girl who was trying desperately to fit in, but gave up after months of trying. She realized the friends she was pursuing weren't to her taste and tried to get to know me. 

   I'm not sure what it is she saw in me, but she walked up to me and started a small conversation. She started sitting next to me in class and eating lunch with me. We slowly got used to each other and our friendship blossomed. 

   It's how our friendship started and I'm curious as to how it will end. I wish at times she would realize I'm an awful person and would just leave me, but then I get a painful feeling in my chest and want to just hug her close. It's strange she seems to tell me almost everything and yet I still keep her at arms length. Maybe I don't want it to hurt as bad. I've got a few years till I get to see where that goodbye goes. I'm curious if I won't just disappear. Maybe it'll be easier to just fade out of the picture. Who knows. 

Maybe I'll see you around.