You see my parents split in February, but only physically on paper they're still a married couple. They don't want to go through all the legal stuff to get a divorce so just went there separate ways. Now my mom left at the end of February, great birthday present thanks. She moved to another country, back to where we used to live. Now I can say I saw this coming and was just waiting till the bomb dropped, till my parents were so sick of each other that one left. You can call me heartless go ahead, because it definitely seems like I am. Seriously what kid waits for there parents to split? Well listen, or read really, here the reason I wanted them to split was because of the fighting and yelling. My brother and I would have to be careful what we talked about, because almost anything could invoke a rant from my mother and she was even worse when she consumed alcohol. I could see my mother was miserable here and that her and my father were drifting apart. So we waited, my brother and I until one day my mother took me out of the house bought me ice cream then told me 'I'm leaving.' And in two months time she was gone.
In that time my brother and I lost a bit of childish innocence. I'm angry that my brother had to go through such an ordeal. That his memories are tainted with fights and yelling. He's not that young, just became a teenager recently, but I'm still protective of him.
Now as soon as my mother left another war started. I like to call it a "tug-of-war", because in reality thats what it was and still is. My parents were fighting over us. Who gets to keep us. Where do we get to live and all that. It's pretty even on both sides, because my mother is perfectly able to care for us, just like my father. And ever since we came to my mothers place for vacation they have been exchanging emails about who gets to keep my brother. I already told my mother that I'm going back and nothing she can do will stop me. I'm almost an adult and she may not like it, but oh well. I just wish she would respect my opinion and leave it be, but no. She has to constantly bring up the subject trying to lure me in. She just doesn't understand that I'm not attached to this place anymore. Sure, I've got a family and a few friends here, but I feel like a foreigner whenever I walk around the city. When I lived here I was more innocent less tainted. I never had the thoughts that I have now. I was less broken.
Well, because of my decision my parents are fighting over my brother. Sending emails to each other as to why he should stay or go back. I saw a few of them. My father wanted me to know what was going on. So I read them and couldn't help, but see how childish they were acting. There emails were filled with sound arguments. Both giving key points, but they couldn't come to an agreement. So it went back to them ignoring each others existence and both telling my brother he's either coming home or staying here.
Now I was sick of this. The pressure I was feeling from them and around me. I could tell my brother would be consumed by it to so I wrote an email. It was filled with my thoughts about what I think about the argument going on with my parents. So I sat down and wrote an email to my father telling him that my brother should stay with my mother while I come back. I gave arguments as to why that is and my thoughts about my parents arguments and the like. I kind of spilled out my soul in it, because once I started writing I couldn't stop until I had gotten my point across. When I finished I felt as if the weight was lifted from my shoulds that I didn't know was there,but at the same time I felt like a terrible person, because I condemned my brother. I don't know if my dad will take my arguments into consideration I haven't received a reply from him, but I hope he does. I'm just so sick and tired of this fighting. I want it all to end.
As for my brother I know once he finds out that he'll hate me. That I left him here, because that's what it'll be. You see we've had the conversation before. We're pretty close to each other ever since the move. He doesn't really have friends where we live now and the only reason he wants to go back is because I am. At least that what he says. So I can't help, but feel like a god awful person at the moment condemning my brother like I am.
I just want this all to end. I know a lot of kids have gone through something like this. Many probably have it ten times worse then me, but I can't hep but feel sad and tired. I just want everything to be over with, but it can't be. Not that quickly. It'd be too easy and life can't be easy or it will be boring. Well I spilled my soul guess, I'll see ya around.
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