Life's drifting thoughts

Blue skies, I love those blue skies

I love those bright blue days, everyday.

Blue skies, I miss those blue skies

I miss the blue days, all the time.

   This is a song I occasionally sing to myself when walking home from school. I made it up one day when I was walking home, because I was lonely. I missed my best friend and this little song was thought up for her. Although I've come to realize that 'blue skies' or 'blue days' can have a number of meanings depending on my mood. Sometimes it's my wish to redo my whole life or to go back to the times my parents never fought. When life was in my opinion perfect. 

   Sometimes I miss being ignorant. I'll daydream every once in a while and imagine myself as a young child. Constantly laughing, running around and causing trouble. Those were the days of blissful ignorance, but I know that this thinking is wrong. You can't focus on the past. The past is there to learn from. You glean information from it, whether it's about your life, someone elses life or a disaster/war. That's why historians are important. They learn what civilizations did wrong. They try to understand how they survived, coming up with thousands of theories. Scientists are similar, but most look at how the world, earth, universe works now. Not all scientist are like this, but most. This is of course my opinion and anyone has a right to disagree.

   There are some people though, who become fixated on the past and they forget that life is constantly moving forward. Time doesn't stop. Organisms are constantly evolving. Humans are frequently coming out with new inventions. For better or worst everything is always changing. Some ancient philosophers would disagree with this theory saying everything is the same it's just changing shape, but that's to difficult for me to imagine.

Another song I've kind of thought up goes like this, although it has nothing to do with the earlier subject.

I've got my blue jeans and old hat. 

I'm ready to go and never come back.

There's just one thing I've got to know,

Will you miss me when I go?

   I came up with this when I was playing the piano and my dad was teaching me this blues piece. It kind of sung to my soul and I was quite happy playing it. I haven't mastered the song yet, but I'm practicing and hopefully one day I'll be able to play it fully.This song kind of talks about my dream. I wish to escape from everything I know, but at the same time the people I met will be kept close to my heart and I can't help, but wonder if they will miss me if I never see them again. 

   I got this feeling with my cousins recently. We aren't really close at least not anymore. When we were younger we were inseparable, but now it's almost like we're strangers and the only thing connecting us is blood. I said goodbye to them when we were leaving from vacation and at the last minute I told my cousin the one closest in age to me- "Good luck with your life." I think he was confused, because he paused for a second than just said thanks. Maybe this feeling is wrong, but I can't help but feel that I won't see him again for a few years again. It's sad. The fact that I just can't stay close to my family, because I just push them away with my cold and aloof attitude, even though deep down I'm screaming at myself.

It infuriates me- my behavior, but I don't keep it bottled up. I left myself go through my writing. The way I wished I had acted is written down. The situations are a bit different, but the gist of it is the same. I think everyone has this at least occasionally. Where they wished they had acted differently. Where they wish they were different. Whether they want to be stronger, more open, happier, friendlier or other traits. Many people wish they were different in some way shape of form. That's just the way it works. People constantly strive for something better material or not. It's what many people call progress, but I call it self loathing or greed. 

It's sad this world we live in, striving to be perfect even though we know that such a thing doesn't exist. We ourselves create perfect beings so that we have something to strive towards. Whether it's to serve that being, get into his good graces or become a part of him. It gives people some kind of purpose to their lives, no matter how strange I believe it to be. Many people would probably say I'm going to hell and I most likely am if it exists, but I personally hope to return to my star. There's so few of them lately. It's really sad and I can't help, but feel lonely when I look up into the night sky. 

Well, I guess I'll see ya around.