Cross Conversation

"Why are you here?"

'I, I don't know..'

"...."

' . . . '

"Something is wrong, so that is why
you are here. I can not help you unless
you tell me what is bothering you."

'Me being here, doesn't that mean 

I don't know what's bothering me?'

"Yes and no."

' . . .Why am I..... Am I... I don't 

know where to start or begin or end.'

"Understandable, too many things in that
head of yours. I suggest starting from
the easy things."

'Am I fake?'

"What do you mean by that?"

'I feel as if I put on a different persona

 for everyone I meet...'

"Well you do sort of do that but all
of those persona's are centered around
your true personality. Meaning you
are not being fake, but just holding
certain parts of yourself back."

'.. .. .. Do I play the happy-go-lucky too much?'

"Do you feel like you do?"

'Sometimes, but it's mostly for certain people.'

"Why just those people?"

'Because I want to see them smile....

 Is that weird?'

"I don't believe it is."

'Aren't I technically lying to them?'

"By not being your 'true' self?"

'......'

"Well I think you just want to make
their day a little more fun. I see
little wrong with that."

'. . .'

"...."

'. . Why.. Why don't I ..... 

How come I don't feel happy?'

"That has many answers."

'..I just... There are so many things

 going on. So many people and 

friends and all of these things that

 I haven't experienced in so

 long, but I feel...'

"Overwhelmed, scared, unsure?"

'...'

"That is not surprising. As you said it
has been a long time since you have
had this much. Are you scared?"

'Yes.'

"Of the pain?"

'It's been a while since it hurt...'

"Yes, it has been a long time."

'It'd be wrong to disappear, wouldn't it?'

"I am positive you would hurt people
by doing that. Is that something
you wish to do?"

'Not on purpose.'

"What do you always say?"

'Enjoy the time you have with them,

 so you can look back on it

 with a smile later.... 

I'm a hypocrite,

 aren't I.'

"As long as you are aware,
I think you will be ok."

'. . .'

"There is something else?"

'...I can't change it.... 

It was never up to me to

 decide anyways, but I still....'

"You still wish it."

'...'

"Well there is little I can help you with
in that sense. After all you know there
is little that can be done, unless?"

'No.. nothing that sever, but..... 

I can't help but wonder, especially

 when these things pop up.

 If it wouldn't be easier if...'

"Well yes, I can understand why you
would think that."

'How different would everything be

 if that one thing was different?'

"That is something that can only be
imagined, but I am fairly certain
your life would be very different."

'You think?'

"I do believe so."

'You're probably right....

Still it's just...'

"Annoying, complicates things?"

'Yes! I hate it sometimes. 

These rules and norms...

 Things that happen over time, 

everything pertaining to that.'

"There is little you can do
in that regard."

'It's still something I occasionally

 wish for, even when such

 situations aren't present.'

"Understandable, either way
I am afraid I cannot help you with
this problem much, sorry."

'It's okay, this is my own doing. 

If I just didn't care so much....'

"Why do you care?"

'Because I know what it's like 

to feel alone and I don't want people

 to feel that if I can't help it. 

Does that make me sound 

stuck up?'

"You want to save everyone from loneliness?
 You realize this is impossible."

'Maybe not everyone, but if I can

 at least help a few than that's better

 than ignoring them completely.

 Am I wrong?

 Is what I'm doing wrong?

 Should I stop? 

Would it be better if I closed up again?

 I don't know what would be easier...'

"Doing the right thing is not suppose to
 be easy. As cliché as that sounds,
but in this regard just keep doing
what you are doing."

'But what if I hurt them because 

they take it the wrong way,

 I would hate that.'

"Then you would have to stop,
but would that not hurt them even more?"

'.. .. Ya, you're right....

 I hate this.'

"You hate yourself.
You hate yourself for many things,
but the one thing you should not hate
yourself for is that, because it is the
one thing you cannot change."

'I'm still frustrated.'

"Understandable, but that does not mean
you should allow it to control you.
There is a line between
being mean and being sarcastic,
being funny and being cruel.
You know that difference,
so remember and follow it."

'You're right.... I'm sorry...'

"..."

'I'm so tired.'

"That is understandable.
Rest for a little while, that
way you can go back to being yourself."

'Your sure I can't just run away?'

"..."

'Fine..... I'll stay. 

I'll last through this and look towards

 a longer break. Hopefully it doesn't

 give me more stress.'

"Stay strong, just don't give in
to the darkness too much.
You know how much I hate the rain."

'No promises......

 thanks.'

"I don't want to see you
for at least a year."

'Oj, I don't choose

 to come down here!'

"..."

'I'm going, I'm going.'