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I keep waking up. Every time I try to sleep.

I keep seeing something in nothing lying in bed late at night.

I keep thinking I'll go to bed earlier the next night. Still when I do I end up staying awake.

I keep gazing into the darkness, looking for something I know isn't there- searching.

Searching for something I know I once had, but now is gone.

How do you look for something when you yourself are unaware of what it is you are looking for?

The only thing I know, is that I won't find it with my eyes.

It's pointless to keep searching. Looking for something I will most likely stumble upon.

That's how life tends to work isn't it? You find it by accident or you never find it at all.

Still I keep looking with my meaningless eyes. Searching with my soul

Sleep evades me in this search. Allowing me to stay up and ponder, but I don't want this anymore.

I keep waking up as if I'm grasping for something, someone. 

I keep feeling this empty hole in my chest whenever I'm alone.

I keep wondering what is wrong. Am I slowly losing my mind?

I keep gazing into the darkness, searching for something I know isn't there.

Still my mind seems to know, but my soul still cries.

Empty, I feel so very empty. 

Emotions are there, but they come so suddenly, so abruptly and it scares me in a way. 

The dull buzz of boredom is a constant when in school, even though I'm excited to learn.

Steel nerves and irritation always arrive on time for a spar.

Sadness though, that is something that keeps appearing more and more often leaving me confused.

How is it that I feel empty yet overwhelmed at certain times?

I keep feeling this helplessness and wonder why?

I keep questioning the tears and their reason for falling.

I keep thinking I can't be happy, not now.

I keep longing something I don't know if I will ever have.

Did you know I cry now, every time I drop you off?

I don't really understand why.

Did you know that I have so many things I want to say to you, ask you, but never do?

It's because I'm scared of losing you.

Do you know that ever since you left I have felt hollow inside?

The world really is a cruel place.

Do you know that I feel like I'm mourning with you?

It feels like I'm channeling a small part of you.

Are you aware that you will out live me?

No, neither am I.

Still I feel like the end of something is near, but what that is I do not know.

My soul seems to though, for it seems to be in constant pain.

Still I wish I could sleep.

I wish I could focus on the good things.

I wish I could focus on the time I had, not the time I have left.

This almost feels like a goodbye. 

It's just me wishing for sleep.

Still I love you both.

Could you share some warmth with me?

 I really just want to sleep.