Cat's Tail

There's blood on my hands.

No one can see it. No one really knows it's there, except for me.

I wish I couldn't see it. I wish I could ignore the bright pink scars that are no longer there, but I CAN STILL SEE THEM. 

How far must someone fall in order to hurt themselves?

It's such a long drop. Truthfully, I'm still falling deeper and deeper. There are just moments where I forget that I'm falling. Moments where I can pretend I don't here the wind whizzing past my ears or feel my hair whiping in my face.

Honestly, If my fall wasn't metophorical than it'd be so much easier to notice the giant hole that trying to swallow me whole. 

Funny thing, I feel as if it's starting from the inside. Stealing everything away, slowly, one by one. It happens to subtly to, so you don't even notice, until most of your mind has been wiped clean and your heart has been broken into tiny pieces. 

Glue and tape can only do so much, and the staples you put in so long ago are now gone. Something pried them away, slowly and carefully so you wouldn't notice. 

It let you have a pleasent run. It let you forget about the falling sensation, but now it's returned ten fold and it's swallowing you whole and you're powerless to stop it.

You can't think about the people you care about, because that only causes you more pain. You can't think about friends, because really you don't have any, and you can only distract yourself for so long.

How many more times can you look in the mirror and try to make yourself laugh? How much longer are you going to keep arguing with yourself pretending theres someone else in the room? How much longer are you going to keep up this farce? 

What's the point in trying to make yourself feel better when there's no one to really care? What's the use in having a voice if there's no one to hear it?What use are you? WHEN THERE'S NO ONE THAT NEEDS YOU?

I keep looking at my glove thinking about what was once under it and for some reason long for it to be there once again. Even though I hated those times and what I had succomed to. Here I am yet again at the edge of this pit, wondering if I'm going to let myself fall even further or try to hold on to any ledges I can grasp. 

I only have so many years left.

The only thing keeping me is curiousity.

It's like the saying with the cat, just opposite: 

Curiousity is what's keeping the cat at bay, but once it's gone then the cat goes away.