Final Time

    It's hard to continue like this. The waiting, this emptiness just sitting inside me. I'm tired of it, so very tired. I wish I could say that I hated it. That way I would still have the energy to fight it, but I've gotten past that. I've given in. I'm such a coward. A failure, waste of space. If some asked what I could do that would benefit the earth. Well my answer would probably be kill myself. Im really just a parasite at this point in time. I'm not bringing anything to this world, not helping anyone out or making there lives better. I'm just here and that is something that I'm sick and tired of. Being here.
    Despite my thoughts I find it so hard to leave, to just jump, to just cut a bit deeper. There's always something holding me back, something trivial or stupid. Today though, today will be the day. There's one final thing I want to do before that though.
    I ring her doorbell and she quickly opens the door with a smile. She knows it's me and isn't surprised by my presence. We do have a date tonight. I greet her and we head out to the movies to see some comedy action flick that I can't remember the title of. It's a good time we're both amused by the end and decide to get some ice cream and walk back to her place. She chats about her week and I listen intently adding in feedback. All the while I'm memorizing her facial features, her beautiful eyes, her laugh. I try to take in every detail and sear it into my brain. This will be the final time.
   We get back to her place and fall into our routine of joking with each other till we get tired and go to bed. It's going to be the last time. For once I'm a bit more brave and confident when we do it. I try to get as much noise out of her as I can. Make sure she absolutely loves it. All the while I feel like I'm trying to eat her whole and swallow her soul. I don't want to forget this, any of this. Of all the things in my life she is the most important one and I would do anything for her.
    I wonder what she would do if I told her this would be the last time. This is the end, no matter how much I hate it, no matter how much I wish it wasn't. When we kiss goodnight, it's long and soulful. I feel as if we shared a part of ourselves in that kiss. Eventually she falls asleep and I watch her for a bit. That peaceful expression on her face is the final piece and I almost break looking at her, but I don't. Standing I quietly dress myself and kiss her on the forehead. Softly, she doesn't even twitch in her sleep. I leave the only place that ever really felt like home to me and don't look back.
    That was the only thing keeping me here and now it's time to say goodbye. I stare down at the world bellow me. I don't even know how far up I am. Just saw a tall building I could go inside and made my way to the top. So here I am looking down at the world bellow and all I feel is peace and sadness. Without thinking I lean forward and stare at the ground rushing towards me. Strangely enough I don't feel fear or regret. It's better this way, for everyone.

Thank you.

 Did I ever tell you that I loved you? 

I did?

I'm glad. 

Inspired by: Jaymes Young - One LastTime