Opening Day

Let's take a few steps back. 

    It's the first day The Burrow is open. You know opening day, although there isn't much going on inside. The space is bare of humans,while only two of the founders are present.
    Moe stands behind the bar decorating some cookies with frosting, while her sister sts across from her, head slumped on the counter with a cup of coffee within arms reach. Nast looks as if she's sleeping, but in reality she's waiting for an opening. The small chance where Moe won't be paying close attention and she can steal a cookie. This will of course end in vain, most likely in pain as well, but she will try anyway.
    It's not surprising she wants to steal one of the delicious looking cookies. They are shaped like a Tardis and Morgan is finishing them off with blue icing. They are appealing to the eyes, nose and mouth watering. Just like most of Morgans baked goods.
    "Moe," Nast whined, "Are people ever going to come? We've been open for over an hour now and nobody has come yet."
    "You have to be patient people will come eventually. Someone will come after seeing the flyers that the boys are putting up." She replies in this tired mom voice as if she's answered this same exact question three times within the last hour. Truth be told she has and is one step away from smacking her friend. "Besides this place is a bit hidden and hard to find. Give it time and someone will come by eventually."
    "Ya, that or we'll have the guys cover the town in flyers. Someone will definitely come then."
    This earns a snort from the other girl, "Yes most likely the police. Won't that be a fun visit." She seems to run out of frosting after this and turns around to refill her dispenser. An obvious opening, but Nast doesn't take it, instead waiting patiently for the true opening. She knows that as soon as the red head turns around she will count the cookies and if one is missing she will be blamed. So she waits watching her friend with her chin still on the table.
    Nast opens her mouth to say something, but is abruptly cut off by Morgan. "If you mention anything about people coming one more time I'm gonna put you to work in the kitchen." The threat is easily understood and the younger girl snaps her mouth shut. This results in the older girl sighing thankfully, wanting to work in peace and quiet for a bit longer before their males return.
    This is where Nast acted. This small moment of Moe's inattention was the moment she was waiting for. As quickly and quietly as she could, Nast swiped one of the cookies with practiced ease and shoved half of it in her mouth. Immediately hiding her face with the counter and trying not to choke on half of a cookie.
     Moe, being the perceptive person she is, took about three seconds to realize one of her cookies were missing and promptly smacked the thief on the head. "Nast," she sighed, half irritataed and half ammused. She was used to her friends annoying habit, but it never stopped bugging her. "Why do you always steal a cookie before I'm finished with them? You know it drives me nuts when I don't finish decorating them before serving them."
    The other girl only gave a cheeky smile while finishing off her stolen prize. This of course resulted in Moe scowling and slapping the thief with her spatula, It was still dirty from when she used it to mix the icing, so it left tardis blue frosting in her hair. Noticing this she smacked her friend a few more times, causing the other to laugh and try to block her hits. It was all in vain though and soon Nast's hair looked as if it had messy blue highlights. "My poor hair," spoke the thief trying to judge the damage from the attack with her hands.
    "That's what you get for stealing one of my cookies." Moe beams proud of her handy work.
    This amusing scene is interrupted by two small giggles which draw the attention of the two females by the bar. Standing in the door way is a pair of teens. One is an average sized girl with long black hair tied in a braid. She's wearing a warm colored dress with a jean jacket on top. Next to her is a boy with shaggy black hair, wearing dark skinny jeans and an army jacket. They are obviously siblings and both seem very amused by the scene they walked in on. "Is it normal for the workers to hit their customers here?" Asks the boy, obviously joking.
    Moe puts on a bright smile and replies, "This lazy oaf is not a customer, but don't worry we don't hit customers in this establishment unless they honestly truly deserve it."
    This earns another laugh from the twins and they step up to the bar, hanging their coats on the coat rack near the door along the way. "Good to know," replied the girl, "This place looks fun and it'd be a shame if the personnel ended up being a bit violent."
    "Glad your first opinion is a positive one of this place, welcome by the way." spoke Nast giving the twins a smile.
    "Yes, welcome to the Burrow," continues Morgan, "I'm Morgan and this is Nast if you have any questions please feel free to ask us anything. We will be happy to help."
    "Thank you," the girl smiled back, "I'm Shego and this is my twin brother Drake. Are those tardis cookies?"
    "Why yes they are," replied Moe.

This is how the Burrow met it's first two regular customers.

           

Close your eyes

    Whenever I close my eyes the scene just seems to fall into place, naturally, and usually it would bring a fond smile to my face. Not now though. It's the final week of February and for the past three years this has always been a  tough week for me. It was never because of school or something similar. This unfortunately pertains to my emotions, which is much worse.
    So when I close my eyes during this time, two scenes tend to play out. One is the picture of happiness and fun, another rips a hole in my heart that I still struggle with. Imagine a large room with it's walls and ceiling covered in windows. In one corner you have a giant black furnace heating the usually cold room, across from that you have an old stained futon, while near the door is a ancient radio. The rest of the room is usually empty and is perfect for parties. That's exactly what's happening now. Inside the green room you will see a group of ten or more girls, sitting in a circle all in the pj's and laughing. It's a sleepover, so of course they're going to try to stay up as late as possible. A few fall asleep before 11, not used to late nights, while others easily stay up past two. Those that fall asleep first as usually pranked with magic marker of course. It doesn't always work, sometimes the subject wakes while being drawn on, but sometimes they don't stir, so the others all giggle and can't wait for morning to come. All the girls seem to be having fun, laughing and joking, playing games and relaxing. It's not often the whole group can come together outside of a school setting, so they enjoy it while they can.
    I used to be a part of that picture, but with time I find myself on the other side of the wall, looking in through one of the many windows. The girl that was once me is now a stranger, she is now just another mask that falls into place when it's needed.
    The other scene is one I tend to ignore, because it still hurts to this day. I'm at the airport and this time I'm not looking in from the outside, because the girl in that scene is still a part of me. Still broken and jaded and hurt. She's with her father at the airport, watching her mothers back at she goes through security. Trying to memorize as much of her mother features as possible. The only thing that she's able to commit to memory is the light red hair, maybe it's the only thing she want's to remember, because everything else has been tainted in a way. Her smiles became vicious, her tongue would have to be thought over for lies and her eyes once warm and filled with love would house regret and anger more than anything else. Her hair is the only thing that stayed the same through those times, so it was remembered. When I found out she changed it as soon as she went back I smiled sadly, because that marked the end of those innocent days. I don't blame my mother for leaving, I knew she was miserable here, so I let her go. Hoping she'd be happy. I gave her my blessing and said good bye at the airport.
    This event marks the beginning of the downfall, it's the catalyst to many future events. I was always terrible at remembering dates, but this one easily stuck to my mind- February 25th. The day my family officially stopped being a family. The day home stopped being a place and instead took shape as people. Those people are out of my reach now.
    So when it's the final week of February I tend to be a bit quieter, a bit more reserved. Those scenes will both come to mind and I'll try to ignore them to the best of my abilities, but it doesn't always work. During this time sadness will always cling to me. The hole in my heart will feel a bit more hollow than usual. No matter how much I sigh, the heaviness will never leave me alone, but that's ok. These feelings aren't foreign to me and I know how to deal with them. I'll hide away until they pass and then I won't have to bother with them until they come knocking at my door once again. Till then I'll rely on the masks that seem to come so easily to me now, because this will pass, that much I have learned from the past.

 So until then I just have to hold on and remember that I have someone to live for. 

Three in fact. 

   

An Introduction

In a large town somewhere in the middle of Scotland you can find one of the most strangest, yet wonderful places on earth. 

    If you go down one of the small side allies located near the center of town, take a left, then a right and another right until you happen upon a heavy oak door inside a red bricked wall you've made it. The only thing allowing people to know a business is found on the other side is a bronze sign hung to the left of the door with the words 'Welcome to the Readers Burrow.' There is no timetable showing customers when the Burrow is open or closed, because truthfully it is almost always open. If it ever happens to be closed there will be a small sign hung on the door knob apologizing for it's lack of services.
    What's found on the other side of this door? Well it's a cafe/ bar/ bakery/ bookshop. The founders couldn't seem to make up their minds and just mixed all their favorite things together and the Burrow came to be. As soon as you step in you are assaulted by a few amazing smells- Old books are always present and so is a strong coffee smell. While you will usually smell some mouth watering pastry, cookie, cake or baked treat in general. In the evenings you'll sometimes get a whiff of beer, scotch, lager, rum or another type of alcoholic beverage. If not then don't worry. I'm sure some happy patrons will allow you a small sip of there own drinks. After they've had a few of their own first. There will be days where you'll walk in and you'll get the strong smell of smoke or sawdust. If it's the latter then new book shelves are being built, if not then it's probably best to slowly back out of the room. Chances are the main founder is pissed cause of something her sister did so it would be best to come back in an hour or so, once things have calmed down. Unless you feel like seeing a short strawberry haired female turn into a demon while she chews out another girl for her stupidity. It makes a good show that's for sure. So watch at your own risk I guess.
    Now imagine a hobbits hole made for bigger people. That's more or less the Burrow. All of its furniture is made from some sort of wood, except the chairs. Those are usually giant beanbags or feather pillows, excluding the few rocking chairs or random swings hanging from the ceiling. To the left of the entrance you've got a counter that also serves as a bar showing off baked goods, with bottles of alcohol lined out on shelves behind the barman and a nice coffee machine that can make any concoction a human can think up. You have stools lined up near the bar, so patrons can sit and chat with each other or the barman while getting a drink, be it caffeinated, alcoholic or good old fashioned water.
    To the right of that you'll have tables and chairs set out around the room with plenty of book shelves lining the walls. At the very center of the room is the hearth, made from large stone slabs and almost always lit. Giving the place an even more homey feel. You'll often find someone lounging in a beanbag near the fire, either reading, writing or sleeping. Now to the right of the room you will see a large wooden staircase that leaves to the upper floor. The building has three, but only the first two are open to the public. The second floor is only a half floor, as it's open and connected with the bottom floor, making it easier to keep an eye on people upstairs when only one of the founders is watching the shop. The second floor has even more bookshelves, these seem to form a small maze and it's easy to get lost in them. The walls are stacked with cushions though, so if someone doesn't want to read downstairs they can read above. For the more daring there are a few basket swings hung on the ceiling that will allow you to read in the air, right above the patrons on the first floor.
    The walls are painted in different shades of green with lots of different things hung on them. There are plenty of pictures, hand drawn and painted, a few photos and posters. Sometimes you'll find a cork board that encourages people to hang copies of their artwork. There are three on each floor and if one of the founders really like a piece they will frame it and hang it near the bar or hearth.
    In general the place is a soothing balm for those looking for a place to escape. It welcomes everyone, as long as they are courteous to others they are welcomed with a smile. Now if an asshole happens to come across the place they are easily dealt with and thankfully never seem to return. This sanctuary was made by a small group of people, well really two females came up with the idea, but the others helped execute it so they are given credit too.
    The main founder, and the one keeping the building whole, is a young lady that goes by the name Morgan or Moe. She's petite, with long strawberry colored hair and brown eyes. At first glance she looks as if she couldn't harm a fly, but that is definitely not the case. If someones causing trouble she's not afraid to whip their ass and kick them out or knock some sense into them. Watch out for her silver tongue as well, because if she won't beat you down then she can easily strip you of all your self worth and then some. Severus Snape would shiver if he had to go against such an adversary. Although she isn't all puppies and cotton candy, she cares for those close to her and is always willing to lend an ear to hear your sorrows and hand out some advice. Don't come crying to her everyday though,because if you do irritate her too much she won't be afraid to pull you straight. Often times you will find her in the kitchens baking something tasty, but if she's not there than shes's helping out at the counter or relaxing near the hearth.
    Morgans married to Skyler, another founder and they honestly make the cutest/ quirkiest couple. While Moe is petite, Skyler is very tall with baby blue eyes and shaggy blond hair. He comes off as shy at first, but once he gets comfortable with someone he easily opens up to them. Most of the time if Moe's around then he's nearby for he is very protective of her. Honestly few people even think about trying something when he's around just because of his massive height and build. He's often manning the main counter with his wife and if he's not than he's probably upstairs browsing the books or thinking up new ways to fit in more shelves.
   These two keep everything in order and tend to do damage control if it gets a bit too hectic, although Nast will be called in and everyone will be given a beat down if it get's completely out of hand. Well those who deserve it anyway. Nast is the only other female of the group and is just a bit taller then Moe, and sports short brown hair and brown eyes. She's fairly friendly and open to everyone, but is very protective of her family and isn't afraid to put someone in there place. People will often mistake her for a young teen because of her childish looks, although once she opens her mouth that immediately changes. Sometimes she pretends to be a boy, just because. You can find her in one of the hanging baskets or behind the bar in the mornings.
    There's also Aster who is of average height, with long dirty blond hair and eyes that seem to change from blue to green at random. He tends to speak with a light accent, but is also a fairly friendly person if not a little quiet at times. Although don't try to strike up a conversation about the meaning of life with him, because he can keep that going for hours. The only people who can pull him away from that are Nast and Bell, his respective partners. If he's in the store than he's manning the counter while Skyler is away and than you know Bell is nearby.
    Finally and least of all there's Bell! Well, maybe not least of all. Bell is a bit shorter than Skyler and has medium length blond hair and blue eyes. He's a bit snarky and can come off as offensive, but is actually pretty nice once you get used to him. Aster and him both have a twisted sense of humor that they are more than willing to share, although only Moe and Nast seem to want to put up with it or even understand it. At first glance Skyler and Bell don't seem to get along, but they have great bar dynamics that even they can't deny. You'll only find Bell in the store if Aster is there or if Moe dragged him down to help in the kitchens.
    As a whole the group seems to be filled with a rag tag bunch of young adults, and it seems like a complete mystery that they somehow manage to run a business together, but it works. Their strange combination can at times be volatile, but they all seem to truly care for each other. Thanks to this mysterious group of strangers a safe heaven for all those looking for a place to feel at home has come to be. And everyone living in that Scotland town are forever grateful to them.

                 

Can't seem to dive under

    I feel shitty at this very moment. The evening was going well. I came back from kungfu, fairly satisfied, aside from hurting my leg just a bit, but that's just a small bump in the road. I relaxed in the living room, watched some tv, for once I had the television all to myself. Then I decided to text Aster to complain about my leg for a bit hoping for some silly short conversation before I hit the sack. That unfortunately didn't happen though.
    Asters texted words hit me hard. He got a job. A temporary one. It's only for two weeks, but hey he's doing something aside from studying math and siting at home. I've become a bit of a hermit. I don't go out unless I have to buy some groceries or I go for training. I don't really hang out with friends, cause I have few and they are more like acquaintances. I just feel like I'm sitting in this black hole of nothingness at the moment that I can't seem to get out of.
    Life has no point. I've known this for a while and it's something Aster and I joke about fairly often. I wondered how other people could continue there lives without thinking about this. It's cause they have some kind of distraction.
    First you're a kid. You're learning to interact with the world, discover it, enjoy it, learn about it. It seems like the world is your oyster during that time. Then you become a teen. It's hard because you have to deal with these weird changes in your body. You start to notice the others in a romantic way. Your world consists of your friends, school and family.
     By this time some people start to question the world and the way it works. Others ignore it, why bother yourself with something so trivial? Why ponder over something that really doesn't have an answer? You could come up with a thousand reasons to the meaning of life and yet none of them would satisfy you. So why bother? People distract themselves from the bombardment of questions and thoughts by diving headfirst into life. Sinking to the bottom and not daring to come back up again. What would be the point anyway? Sleepless night? Those can be earned through other ways. People distract themselves with there live, giving themselves meaning. Whether it's school, a job, a relationship, starting a family. These things create meaning in peoples lives.
    I can't seem to create my own meaning. I can't help but drift near the surface, sticking my head out occasionally and wondering what could possibly be the point in all of this? A biologist would say to continue the human race. A scientist would probably say something about discovering the world and what it has to offer. Everybody has a different answer to this unanswerable question. Whenever I come up with one I never seem to settle on it. I wish I could just say I want to fully live my life and that's that, but it's easy to say and hard to do. Aside from that it doesn't satisfy me. I guess I'm a bit of a philosopher at heart, although sometimes I wish I wasn't. Because then I wouldn't have these moments where I'm doubting myself and questioning my point of existence that I have so much trouble diving back into the water called life. But I also love those moments, you know those small ones, that remind you it's a beautiful thing to think and be aware. To allow yourself to grow just from thinking about something different from anyone else.
    I guess when it all comes down to it I'm just a tad bit jealous of Aster. We're in the same boat at the moment and yet he has something more now. I'm a terrible person aren't I? This just means I should do something with my life, so that I don't feel as if I'm wasting it. My golden year is approaching and there are a few things I still want to do, but at the same time I still wish to turn back time and be a child once more. No matter how much time travel fanfiction I read though, that doesn't mean it will happen to me.

Maybe I'll see you around?

  

A phrase

    I've been putting off writing this post for a few hours now. Trying in vain to focus on my studies, reading or cleaning. I can't focus though. Not after what Aster told me last night. It just brought a tornado of emotions to the surface, something I can't handle. I can barely recognize one emotion, so if I'm faced with multiple ones my systems tend to shut down or latch on to the dominant one and ignore the rest. I've shut down this time, trying to completely ignore everything all together, but that isn't working, because the moment I let my guard down everything comes bubbling to the surface and that phrase comes to mind.
    I'll start from the beginning. The day before I was lazing about at home. It was a Saturday evening and I had the house to myself. I was watching some youtube videos when I got a text from Aster asking me if I wanted to go drinking with him and the guys. At first I ignored the text, cause I was feeling lazy and wasn't that interested in going with them. After a moment though I though, hell it's Saturday evening, I haven't gone drinking with them in a while, so you know what I'll go. It was a random stir of the moment decision that I didn't regret in the slightest. I bought some beer, successfully navigated my way to Bell's house and met up with the guys.
    I can easily admit I had lots of fun. There was a lot of laughter and we teased Bell a ton which made the outing worth it. That and getting to see Aster more is always an added plus. Around one we split and Aster walked me home, since he missed his bus and the next one wasn't for another hour. Once we were at my house I asked him what he was doing. He thought about just walking home, since he didn't feel like waiting for the bus, but I also offered him a place to sleep at my house. Now he's slept over plenty of times already, so this didn't lead to any awkwardness or whatever. He took me up on my offer, cause he's lazy and honestly I'm not surprised he didn't feel like walking home.
    We've been sleeping together for a few weeks now, no not that sleeping together, I'm talking about two people sleeping in the same bed and that's it. So it's gotten to be a bit of a routine in a way, almost at least. We both still had a bit of alcohol in our systems, so despite being tired we talked a bit, while at the same time cuddling. I'm not sure if it can be called cuddling. Aster somehow tangles his legs in mine and then puts an arm around me, while I kinda curl into him a bit. Is that cuddling? I don't know, but it's nice, even if it's not the most comfortable position in the world. We talked for a bit just sorta wrapped around each other, giggling and talking casually. We were more at ease because of the alcohol in our systems, more relaxed and I guess a tad more brave. Aster's always a lot more affectionate when he drinks a bit, while I speak more openly.
    Our conversation didn't last very long maybe five or ten minutes, but it started with Aster admitting he likes the feel of my legs, which I giggled at for quite a bit. He seemed a bit embarrassed so I told him I really like his smell and that's why I often ask him what shampoo or body wash he uses. It's almost always different though, so I've come to realize it's his natural smell. This got a chuckle out of him and he seemed to relax more. I don't remember what we talked about after that, but I think we sorta fell into a comfortable silence and then Aster spoke up again "Kocham cię" (transl: I love you). I froze and tensed when he said this and I felt like the most horrible person in the world, because I couldn't say it back yet. I just wasn't ready, I wasn't sure, I still don't know. I told him as such, apologized and only replied "I'm falling for you, but I'm sorry I'm not sure if it's love yet." He understood and said it was ok, that he didn't mind. I swear this human is an angel from heaven or something. I don't think many people would be satisfied by my answer, some would probably be upset. So when Aster went on to tell me that he felt something for me since our first year of high school, but wasn't sure about it till later I almost broke.
    During my first year of school I thought of Aster as the shy kid that sat in front of and across from me. I acknowledged his existence, but that was it. We didn't talk and after I switched seats, we didn't interact at all. It wasn't until the end of second year that we actually started having regular conversations with each other. It wasn't until the middle of third year I realized I had feeling for him. I feel like a terrible person not realizing my own feeling sooner. I know this is a pointless accusation and a waste of energy, because like it or not I'm terrible with emotions and there is nothing I can do about that. I'm broken and that's that. It doesn't mean that it somehow dulls the aching I feel in my heart or the anger at myself when I thought 'run away.'
    I don't know what love to a partner is. It doesn't matter how much I read about it or however many movies I watch with some kind of romantic plot in it. Love feels different for everyone and I don't know what mine feels like. I enjoy spending time with Aster. Even if it's just the two of us doing nothing, whether we are playing video games side by side, taking a walk or being bored together. I enjoy it nonetheless. Sometimes when I miss him, my brain will randomly conjure up his sent and for a moment I'll think he's standing right behind me and a soft smile will come on my face even though I know he isn't really there. Does this make it love? Or is it just fondness and attachment?
    My father knew he was in love with my mother, because he knew that if there was a bullet or car heading straight for her then he would jump in front of her without a second though. He also constantly thought about her and had a picture of her that he would often look at. From the stories he told me of their younger days it's easy to see he was in love with her. This doesn't really help me though, because like I said earlier everybody shows there love in different ways. As for the taking a bullet for him, well if Aster was in trouble I'd probably do it. If a car was heading towards him I'd push him out of the way, even if that meant my death. If a group of thugs surrounded us I'd pummel them all to death if I had to. Here's the catch though I would do this for all of my precious people. I have few of them and God dammit I'm gonna protect them with my life.
    I feel terrible for not being able to sort out my feelings. I'm confused and angry, sad, terrified and just a mess of everything on the inside, because I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I do not know. I'm not cut out for relationships. I'm broken and scared and jaded. Aster's been so patient with me and still is and I wonder how long he will continue to be. He'll get tired of me eventually. He'll leave. Then what would I do. Probably cry, most people would. Although I'd most likely try to put on a brave front at first and then later when I'm all alone I'd curl up in a ball and let my tears silently roll down my face. I'd be sad and quiet for a few days, but eventually I'd get over it. Everyone does and I'd be no different. I'd probably feel empty on the inside since one of my precious people would be gone forever. Larkspur would no longer be able to joke about turning us into vampires or threatening to bring me back from the dead if I died to early. Where Aster and her would then torture me for the rest of my after life. My life would change, yet it would not. I'm used to people leaving, but I digress I'm certain I've written about that before.
    In the end I'm no closer to understanding anything. I'm still confused and angry and scared. Why can't this be easier. Because then life would be boring. Sometimes I think about changing my life motto, but it's so fitting that I can't. 'If life was easy then it would be boring.'

Sorry for wasting your time.  

               

Swings

    My thoughts drifted as I looked towards the blue sky, allowing my thoughts to float away just like the clouds above. It was an odd warm February day, but I was enjoying it none the less. I'd been cooped up inside my house for far too long due to a sprained ankle and I wished to just run towards the swing set like a little kid, but I stopped myself. If I started running someone would not be impressed and I'd get in trouble. Speaking of the devil I stared at the two male backs walking in front of me. Both were in deep conversation and I couldn't help but giggle at there topic of discussion. Why was Aster so set on trying to reason with Bell when it came to the sense of certain meme's and gif's? It seemed to be one of their favorite topics though, aside from the meaning of life. That one was usually only debated on when both had a bit of alcohol in their system.

    They seemed so absorbed in their conversation I couldn't help but pull a trick. Why not give the boy's a light heart attack? I slowed my stride and started to make my way towards a tree to hide behind. Once I made it there I checked to see if the two had noticed and amazingly they hadn't. So I back tracked a bit and started to walk on a different path. We were in a huge park that I was very familiar with, so I easily navigated my way through the landscape making my way towards my destination- the swings. 

    Success! I think as I find my way to the semi-secluded spot, only to find it completely empty. No humans, but more importantly no children to bother me. I check my phone before I start swinging to make sure if the boys haven't started looking for me yet. Nothing, they either haven't noticed or haven't thought of calling me yet. Shouldn't I be getting angry? Not only am I on a date, but I easily disappeared and no one noticed. Hmmm, nah. There's no point in getting angry over something so silly, after all Aster and Bell should spend some one on one time with each other as well. Sure they talk practically everyday over skype, but that's not the same as face to face. Besides 90% of the time they're playing video games, so there is little conversation to be had. My brain forgot to remind me that the three of us in general only really see each other once a week and we should be spending time together. But that was forgotten as I started swinging and got lost in my thoughts and the clouds. I wish I could be a cloud.

    I'm not sure how much time passed, but I eventually heard an annoyed voice and the rustling of leaves. I took my eyes from the sky to find Aster and Bell coming into the clearing, both looking a bit peeved that I had ditched them. Time to apologize I guess. I jumped when the swing was at its highest point, forgetting about my healing ankle, but at the last minute managed to fall into a diving roll. Thank you parkour, even though that's how I sprained my ankle in the first place, but details. 

    The boys faces were priceless though and I couldn't help but laugh at there shocked looks while I sat on the ground holding my stomach and wiping the tears from my eyes. I only earned a bonk on the head from Bell though and an outraged "What the hell did you just almost do!? Are you trying to break that ankle?" 

    "But, its the swings you have to jump off them," I reply meekly getting up from my spot on the ground.

    "Nast, last I checked you were an adult. Those rules apply to children." Replied Aster looking unimpressed, "Besides would you like to explain your disappearing act?" 

    "Ughghghghg," was the only thing that came out of my mouth, which didn't help my case at all.

    "You were bored weren't you?" Asked Aster, but sounded more like a statement.

    "Maybe just a little, but I didn't want to disturb you so I thought I'd go on my own for a bit." I averted my eyes knowing that I shouldn't have just walked off on them, but I couldn't help it. It's a bad habit of mine that I've had since I was a child.

    Both grumbled something under there breaths, but I couldn't catch what they said. Bell ended up sighing loudly, before he bonked me on the head again and pulled me into him. "Friking annoying female." I looked to Aster confused, but he only smiled and wrapped his arm around my waist and Bells. The taller boy then pulled Aster into the hug more as well and we just stood there for a few moments. I didn't understand what was wrong, but I enjoyed the warmth from both the males and stood there for as long as they wanted. 

    Eventually we separated and started to make our way back to the car. There was a comfortable silence around us and the park was strangely empty, but it was nice and peaceful. I suddenly feel an arm wrap around my waist and one go around my shoulder and I reciprocate putting an arm around both their waists. After a few moments of walking like this I realize something.

                                                         They were worried about me.

           

A Surprising Source of Inspiration

    I know this boy, that I'm not really sure I can call a friend. Honestly, I know him fairly well. We went to high school together and I tended to bug him during english and computer lessons a lot. I enjoy teasing him, because he always reacts in the most amusing of ways. His personality is really different compared to other people and he tends to leave a terrible first impression. During high school he wasn't a teachers favorite that's for sure. He seems to have a gift of riling up other people, especially adults. I seem to be fairly immune to this super power of his. He just amuses me more with his behavior then scare me with his sharp tongue. I could write a ten page essay on him and probably wouldn't be able describe him properly, so I will keep it to one sentence. Imagine Severus Snapes' sharp, witty and sarcastic tongue on a guard dog- friendly to his family and vicious to strangers. That's Bell in a nutshell, more or less anyway. Oh, ya I call him Bell, because I decided to give him an obnoxious nickname.
    So, Bell and I have this strange/ weird relationship that I really don't know what to call. I didn't really expect to see him again after high school, because we really only talked during english and computers class. Than Aster got to me and well he's Bells best friend, so cause of Aster I see Bell fairly regularly now. Although now instead of being 'the annoying yet needed distraction' in school, I'm 'the girlfriend.' It means our interactions are a bit different and tend to leave me confused 40% of the time. I see him as a friend, but at the same time I feel he kind of hates me, so wouldn't that mean that my view could lead to a toxic relationship? I'm just a bit unsure. Sometimes I just want to straight out ask him, but I know I'll just get some sarcastic comment and it will clear nothing up. So I guess as long as I'm with Aster I'll have to deal with this strange thing.
    I guess it just bugs me that there is no clear line as to where we are. What I'm about to write is really shallow, but I tend to group people into groups- my family, friends, acquaintances, people that hate me, people that don't give a flying crap about me and people that don't know I exist. Most people I meet fall into the acquaintances category, until they are either shifted or I just lose contact with them. Bell though keeps shifting and somehow has made his own category, which peeves me slightly. There is something that I get out of this annoying thing I have to deal with- inspiration.
    How? Well whenever I meet up with Aster and his friends (Bell and the General) I always get some inspiration. Whether it's a story idea, a drawing or just a way to continue the story I'm writing at the moment. It always happens, which is amazing really and I'm quite grateful for it. Their interactions just seem to spark something inside me, even when it's just Aster and Bell. They have a great friendship, which I haven't really seen since my jr, high years. It's not your average run of the mile male bonding crap and alpha male who-ha either. Like Bell it's difficult to explain, but you go through it once and I promise you you'll be even more confused about their friendship. I always enjoy walking behind them and just listening to their conversations that would make any sane human blush/ cringe or run in the opposite direction.
    There used to be four of them, but he left them for a while for some reason. Recently though he has contacted them again and they've started hanging out once more. I haven't gone with them since, cause for some reason I feel as if I'd be intruding. After all I'm just 'the girlfriend.' Those come and go and I really would hate to cause any tension or unwanted awkwardness by my presence. A group of five just has less synergy than a group of four, so it's best to just stay home when they meet up. Hopefully I can still get inspiration from my own brain. After all I wouldn't want to end up relying on them for something like that.
    I'll just have to learn to ignore the small pang of sadness inside when I don't meet up with them anymore. After all they are Aster's friends. Me, I'm just an extra then and I value friendship more. I have few close friends and what Aster has with those boys, well it's really great and I would hate to get in between that. So I'll stay on the side and be the support character, that suites my personality more then being part of the main party anyway.

Maybe I'll see you around.