Stressed more than I should

"I feel like your stressing about this more than you should."

It's a simple line, made in a serious type of conversation that could potentially change the dynamic of our relationship, while at the same time moving us forward for the first time in years. We've been in this rift for about two years now. Being together but not progressing forward, just sort of stuck in place. That was probably partially my fault, but also because we just weren't sure where we were going in life. Now there's suddenly a big step before us, something that could make or break 4 years of us.

And that, that absolutely terrifies me. It means we no longer have a safety cushion on. It will just be the two of us. Now I'm talking about this as if it's official, which it's not and if it does end up being true then it will be talked about, but just making the decision, taking the steps to get there. Well, they frighten and unnerve me. It's taking a literal leap into a pit of blackness and no one is going to open your parachute, except you. 

So to hear you say, 'Ya, no problem' in such a casual and laid back way, boggles my mind. Are you just that confident about this, about all of this? Or are you just willing to put in the work to make us work? It's something I'll probably never ask you about, just something to keep in the back of my mind. 

Still if this comes to anything, I know this. I will try my hardest to make this work, because I want it to work. I already confessed my undying love to you in the last post, admitted you changed my mind about principles that feel as if they were engraved into me, so I guess taking this leap of faith with you is something that scares the ever loving hell out of me, but also excites me.

That's why I'm stressing about it so much, but you won't get to know that.