Ups and Downs

    It's been a mixed semester, with about a month of classes left than exams around the end. I can't say it hasn't been good, but I also can't say it's been bad. I've had a lot of ups and downs this past semester. More lows than highs I think, not quite balanced.
    My mood seems to be so sensitive lately. I give up easily. I rather do nothing than something. My will to live and enjoy life is minuscule as of late. I don't really know why. Still it's harder to hide the bad days, because they seem so much stronger than the good. The fake smiles I was once able to summon now come out as crooked with dull eyes staring back. My brain hasn't been much help as it seems migraines and headaches are fairly regular and just as painful if not more so occasionally.
    Even Aster hasn't been able to chase away all of the darkness like he used to. Somehow my fog has found cracks and it now slowly invades my mind. It sort of feels like all of my strength has been sapped out of me. I'll sit down and do the work I must, but my drive has completely faded. I'm not sure if it's early summer blues or just the family drama that's on my mind.
    Azalea might be living here soon. At least for a while, but my mother is not happy about it and I think she refuses to help him. He's smart so I know he can handle everything, especially since father and I are helping him with as much as we can. Still it wouldn't surprise me if she tried to sabotage him in some way. I told Az that if he needed help that he should go to Larspur, she doesn't have a ton of time right now, but hopefully she'd be able to help him at least a bit. Sorry Spur, I hope you don't mind.
    I've also been dreaming of spiders again, which does little to help my mental health. What do you do when you're always tired? I feel like I'm just waiting for school to end so that I can have a bit of a break. Take my mind off everything for a month or so before jumping back into everything. I'm worried that it might be something more than that though. And if it is, than what could it possibly be?
    What if after everything I still feel this way? I don't really know, but I can't drag others down with me. Still if someone ask 'Am I okay?' or 'How am I doing?' What do I say? Because I can say, not too good. But when they ask me why, all I can do is shrug my shoulders because I truly don't know why. I just feel half gone.