You're at the edge, finally. After taking so many flights of stairs, you're finally at the top. There was a working elevator, but this is the last time you'll get to use your legs, so you might as well put them to work. You sit at the edge or the building, calm and collected for once not worried about life, the inner turmoil felt on a daily basis is silent.
It's a pleasant feeling one that you relish in for a moment. There's a fence blocking anyone from jumping from the building with little spikes at the top to keep idiots from doing anything stupid. You couldn't care less about the spikes though and hop onto the fence, ignoring the pain in your hands from touching a few of the spikes at the top.
Still you manage to pass the fence and situate yourself just on the other side, feet neatly dangling off the side of the building. You can feel the adrenaline rushing through you, and the fear that's screaming to go back, but you refuse, because what awaits is so much more. You want this, so badly that you feel your soul sing.
When was the last time you felt this way, since...
You stop thinking immediately, those are bad thoughts, thoughts that will only ruin this moment. Instead you bring your attention to the sky and sigh in peace, can't see a single star cause of all the city lights, it's just smog on gray.
So instead you close your eyes and picture the sky as it used to be when you were just a child. The milky way springs fourth, followed by the big dipper, your nose starts to pick up the scent of burning wood and a crackling of a fire.
There's laughter and talk, the smell of cheap beer is in the air along with juicy sausages. You can feel a heat around you, but the source mostly comes from you're right. It's comforting and its making your stomach do strange things, you're tired and want to sleep, but right now you don't want to move from this very spot because that was the beginning of....
Tears spring fourth, because it's been so long since...
How many years has it been?
You tried so hard to continue moving forward, but no matter how much help you got, no matter how hard you tried everything just felt empty. Your chest once filled in a single moment became empty all over again and no matter how much medication you took, no matter how many times you cut, no matter how many time you ate only to bring it all back up, you still felt so very empty.
You couldn't keep moving forward after that... after...
I'm sorry, so very sorry.
I just couldn't do it.
No matter what I did this empty feeling inside just wouldn't go away. Tears spring fourth and you let them roll down you're face. Slowly you stand, you remove your jacket and hang it on the fence to make it easier for the police, then you remove your wallet and from a pocket you extract a tiny letter that you stick inside. The wallet is layed right behind you and you hope it's not lost, because that note should be read.
An apology to those you're leaving behind.
Finally you turn and stand at the edge, you don't look down, instead you close your eyes, your final thoughts go through your mind, a few last images of the happier times when you didn't feel so hollow inside, before finally all you feel is the wind in your hair and darkness consuming you.
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