Visit to the past

My mental state balances on the ledge of being another statistic and just barely hanging on. 

    I'm cuddled up in my bed drifting between sleep and awake, thinking about the week ahead. Aster was moving in and I couldn't be more excited and terrified at the same time. Sleep eventually won though and my restless thoughts were silenced for a time.
    Suddenly though I feel myself violently waking, jolting upright as if I was slouched over something. A loud noise is made with my movement, as if a chair was being scraped across the floor and I can hear whispers all around me suddenly stop and turn into laughter. What? I look around confused only to see I'm inside a classroom, not just any classroom though, my old homeroom with my old, loud classmates.
    They're quieted by the teachers voice "Glad to see you've awoken sleepyhead. I know homeroom is boring, but could you refrain from sleeping while I try to organize a class trip that isn't the movies?" I stutter out an apology before slouching and covering my face. This, this is a dream right? I look around noticing all of my classmates are accounted for. There's one I hone in on immediately though, front row right next to the door, short blond hair. Wait, short?
    That means it's only the second year, winter time judging from the boots I'm wearing and the weather outside. I feel tears swell up in my eyes, we haven't started talking yet, we don't start to talk until the end of second year, not for another couple of months. I sigh, but pretend to listen to the teachers plan to go somewhere. It never happens. But this is just a dream, so might as well continue forward until I finally wake up from this nightmare. Aster was the only good thing about high school, everything else was a god damn fucking pain in the ass.

It's been three days.

    Why the fuck am I still in this dream? Who am I kidding, I'm starting to think I traveled back in time and it's slowly driving me insane. I have long hair during this time that I'm just itching to cut, all my tattoos are non-existent and it's making me feel naked, my glove is there, but the scars are so prominent that they make me want to puke. Everything is so messed up and wrong, that I can't hold it together anymore.
    It doesn't help that my bodies hormones are at their worst levels during this time and it's making it even more difficult to function. The worst part though, is seeing Aster everyday and not even talking to him, because we don't know each other yet, he isn't MY Aster, MY human, My lifeline.
    I sit down at my usual spot waiting for math to start so I can go to sleep. Unfortunately, I'm not left alone as the guy I sit next to and blocked as soon as I graduated starts to complain about something trivial. Honestly, this shit grates on my nerves and I've had it up to here with this annoying ass dream. So for once I don't bite my tongue and bare it, I let that sucker go full force.
    'You know Pete that's really interesting and all and if I cared I'd totally agree with you, but I couldn't give a bigger shit. So go suck a dick, cause at least then your mouth will be useful for something.' With that I grab my bag and leave the room, saluting my teacher goodbye as she walks down the hall. I ignore her shouts and stomp right out of the school, pissed beyond belief and terrified. 
    What if this is not a dream? It's been three days, three long days. It's getting harder and harder not to go climb a nice tall building to throw myself off it, because I can't live through all this bullshit all over again. These next few years were awful and I just wanna be done.
    My feet end up taking me to a park near the school and despite the cold I curl up on a bench and just go numb. What am I suppose to do if this is real? I can't go through that all over again. What if this time I don't peak Asters interest and we don't end up together? I can't, I don't know what I'll do if he's gone. Larkspur's a great supportive lifeline, but Aster is tangible and reachable at a moments notice. I'm not sure I can function without him.
    I mope on the bench ignoring the  world around me, trying to understand why I'm here, when I start to hear someone come up to me. They say my name and I look up and feel dumb-strucked. Aster? He shouldn't know about this park yet, nor would he have any reason to follow me of all people, yet there he is bundled up in his coat and staring straight at me. He seems very amused yet slightly relieved as well. We stare for a moment before he sits right next to me on the bench and whispers in my ear 'Wake up you lazy piece of shit!'
    I'm pushed from my bed and after a moment of disorientation I find myself on the floor with Aster looking at me from my bed. 'Sleep well?' He cockily asks all the while smirking. I stand pretending to get angry at him for interrupting my sleep before pouncing on him.

Thank god, that was just an awful dream.