You're hurting me

It hurts.

It feels like I'm burning from the inside out.

It feels like someone ripped a hole in my chest and is now trying to rip me in half.

It's painful.

I try to ignore it, try to remember the years past where I dealt with a similar pain, but this one is so much worse. 

Before everything was numb. 

The world was cold and nothing mattered.

Now I feel like somethings trying to suck out my soul and tear me in two.

It feels like I'm being roasted over a fire, dipped in lava boiled alive.

My mind is constantly in chaos, thinking, wondering.

Trying to rationalize only keeps them at bay for a little while, before they come roaring back to life, stronger than before. 

I hate it.

This feeling in my gut, my head and my soul. 

It hurts so much and it's all because of YOU. 

You're probably unaware of what I'm feeling. 

As much as I wish to, I can't blame you. 

It's my fault.
 It's always my fault.

I just want to see you, speak with you for a little while. 

Yet at the same time I wish to run from you as far away as possible. 

You're what's causing this pain. 

If I leave it will go back to the numb feeling, something I know how to deal with. 

I understand why I'm being torn in two. 

One of me wants to run to you while the other wants to run away. 

You have no clue how much power you hold over me at this moment and it's absolutely terrifying. 

I should speak with you. 

Talk like normal humans do, but I know I won't. 

I'm a coward. 

I'm the bad guy.

 I'm a worthless piece of shit that doesn't deserve to be here. 

That doesn't deserve YOU.

People ask how do you know that you're in love?

It's when all those sappy love songs start to make sense.

Took me two fucking goddamn years, but they finally make sense to me.