Recently my life has been boring as hell. I've had too much time to think and I just hate it. My mind is just a big jumble of thoughts:
Am I a loner?
Why is it so hard to make friends?
Am I depressed?
When will my life finally be over?
When will I stop being bored?
Just questions upon questions and I just can't get around it. Why have I become such a pessimistic person? I hate this! All of it why? Because either I can only answer these questions or the angel of death herself. But whats been on my mind a lot lately is:
How do you know if you're suicidal?
and
Why don't I have the courage to just run away?
So many questions and I'm just sick of it all!! I just want to be finished!! Done. Why do I have to be so tired of it?
Sorry for the miserable post I guess I'll,

 See ya around.

I AM BORED!!!!!!!!
Sorry for the caps lock, but this is a caps lock situation. Recently I am super bored. School yes it teaches me new things, but the classes I'm most interested in such as English, Math and Gym are just so boring. I love Math. I love siting on a problem and trying to figure it out, but everything that were doing now I already know. It's the same thing with English and for Gym, well our gymnasium is under construction so I just have to wait until January to find amusement in that again. It's just lately I don't feel challenged anymore unless I'm training. And because school is so boring I started to train four times a week. I really hope I can get rid of my excess energy, because I'm tired of being so bored at school. Now this may not be a cure for boredom, at least not completely, but at least I won't be drawing all over my hand/notebook  during math and instead be catching some zzz's. What do you do when your bored?

See ya around.

I take forever to make new friends to get comfortable with them and then after some time pasts I just drift away. Whats with that? Why do I have so much trouble keeping friends. Thinking about it just makes me more confused. Maybe I'm suppose to be a loner? One that's only meant to have colleges? People i know, but don't have much contact with? I doesn't bother me much, but I do get jealous of those that have close friends that are always there for them. Well at least I've learned to relay (don't know how to spell this word) on myself. I'll just have to hope jealousy never takes over.

See ya around.   

Please tell me what you call a day of school where your brain is without any stimulation, because that's how my day went. God it was just so boring!! Then again I guess this is what happens when you repeat. Sigh I'll have to wait until the second half of the school year to find math interesting. English never will be. Maybe It'll be amusing, but I doubt that will be often.Well at least technology/computers is interesting when the teachers teaching and we don't have a free day. Sigh. Do you guys have those day at school were even if you didn't go you wouldn't have missed anything? Now I just wish I had gone back to bed after I turned my alarm off. Well tomorrow should be different. Lets hope gym isn't a complete bore, but we're going to have a sub. so it most definetly will. Well I'm not keeping any hopes up. After all I've learned the hard way, the more hope you have the more it hurts when it comes crashing down, but that my friend is reality.
But we need hope. Damn, now that's just annoying and depressing.

See ya around.

Today was an eventful day. I woke up and had a nice cup of coffee. I've just recently started drinking coffee like 5 months ago and I love it! I don't drink 5 cups a day more like 5 a week and that's because I like to savor the taste. I feel like if you have something too often you forget about it's greatness. You forget to appreciate it. It's like your parents, they're always there for you so you forget to be thankful. Now I know it's strange to compare coffee with parents. Obviously we can live without coffee, but if we didn't have parents we wouldn't be here, but I went for a long walk with my dad in the morning. We were walking in the forest and it was just me an my dad, my little brother decided to stay home. So we had lots of time to talk.
 We were walking for almost two hours, time flies when your in a rush free environment, and we talked and talked and talked. It's not like I don't like talking I'm just not use to it. I don't talk much at school and at home I'll have some short conversations, but other then that my vocal cords aren't use to being used so much. Our conversation went from America, old friends, language troubles, family trouble, forest history, trees and my fathers history. How he came to America. It was interesting, because he has never told me the story before. And it just proves that women can easily trick men and put them on a leash. Luckily my dad was smart enough to ditch the fake barbie, but he was clever enough to get something out it. A green card. If someones not aware what this is it's a document that allows foreigners to live in America. So my dad was allowed to stay in the country of independence. Where a year later he met my mom! So that's how I spent my morning besides doing chores, but that's normal.
I happen to be a Youtube fan as of late and I've discovered a ton of channels that range from comedy to science to sarcasm to just plain everything. I never used to be so connected with Youtube and I wanted to make videos, but I don't own a video camera, have no idea what to talk about and just don't have the courage to do it, but I want to make a video!! And I will! Next year, maybe. We'll see. For now I will be contempt to just watch all the other Youtubers on the planet.
Yay!!! I didn't end this angrily!! Yay!!!! Yes, yes, I'm a dork I know.

See ya around.   

For once my Saturday wasn't the same boring routine as always. I usually spend my Saturdays at home doing homework or being lazy, but today I went shopping for a loooooong time. I used to be one of those people who hate shopping. Absolutely abhor it, but today while I was in the store I had an epiphany. I actually enjoy shopping now. When I was younger I wouldn't go near the mall with my mom especially the shoe store, but now I don't mind. (Did I spell shoe correctly? I haven't written it for a while and it just looks strange.)

 If anyone's curious we went to a store called neu look/ new look. It's British but the logo is a bit strange, because the w is a u with a dot in the middle. If you live in Britain you've probably heard of it and if you didn't shame on you. It's the first time I was every there, my mom as well, and lets just say it was overwhelming.

 I'm kind of dressing in a punk kind of style. When I have the guts to wear it. Which seems stupid because I was the only one in my school who wore a Halloween costume in a country that thinks it Satan's holiday. So I can go to school looking like a cat, but not in punkish style clothing that at least 15% of the school also wears. Whats wrong with me? Is there anyone else like that? Afraid to be who they are? The one thing I don't understand though is my attitude. I honestly don't care what people think of me. They could think I'm a total psycho and talk about me behind my back and I still wouldn't care as long as they don't cause problems in my life. "Ya, please continue with your gossiping. I'm gonna do my math homework."

Yes, I know that was lame, but eh that's me. XP. That's the type of attitude I've taken to protect myself. It keeps me from getting hurt. I'm positive others around the world have taken up a similar attitude it's just safer, but that doesn't mean I don't let people in.

 The few who take the time to befriend me I protect and keep close. The're my friends and after a while they become special to me. In my class I have a single friend, his names Peter. He's different and not what most girls would call attractive, but he's kind heart-ed, funny, and lots of fun to annoy. But some of the people pick on him and talk about him and I just hate it! There not like physically  hurting him or name calling it's small things like stealing his lunch, flipping his backpack inside out or giving him terrible nicknames. And ERHHHHHHH IT JUST DRIVES ME MAD AND I HATE IT!!!!!! I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT!!!!! Sorry, this has just been bothering me a lot lately. I just want to help him. 

Sorry for the strange post, it was just completely everywhere. 

Well see ya around.  

The reason I started this blog was to help organize and remember my thoughts. I'll also write about things that go on in my daily life that bother, annoy or just plain piss me off. The title explain it all. Another reason for why I'm blogging is, because of the show 'Sherlock' I know for some people it came out in like 2010, but I've just discovered it, because it just came out in my country. At least I think it did. So starting today I will try to blog. Hopefully this isn't a one time thing, but we'll see. I'm a teenager and my mind, temper and moods change easily. 'Damn hormones,' as my English teacher would say.

We'll I'm off, see ya around.