"This is the third time this week," says a young, pale, completely white girl while she casually floats in the air. Her most distinguishable features are her bright red shoes and a large scythe that she tends to sit on. She claims to be a shinigami by the name of Momo and there is usually a cat with her but he seems to be absent today. "Well," she asks floating closer, "are you or are you not going to jump?"
"Why can't you just take my life?"
Here she sighs as if we've been over this a million times, we practically have since I've been able to see her for over a month now. "I can't, as you well know it. I'm suppose to guide your dead soul not take it from you."
She seems to be slightly put out, but I just give her a tiny smile as I sit at the edge of the old, abandoned building. "Sorry."
I only hear a sigh as she decides to sit next to me, "It's so rare for a soul to have a constantly changing death date. Honestly, it's a bit irksome." I try apologizing again, but she beats me to the punch, "Don't go saying stuff that's not your fault."
"In this case, isn't me killing myself my fault?"
"Well yes, but generally everyone has a natural death date. That changes once someone is fairly decided on finishing themselves." I nod as she explains this, probably not something she should be telling me, but for all I know I actually will kill myself today so she won't get in trouble. "What's keeping you?" She asks while looking out into the distance.
"Not much," I say wanting to be vague but she gives me a glare, making me continue, "I'm finding it hard to make my place here." Here I make a hand gesture encompassing the town before us. "Its just I'm on this path and I'm not sure if I should even be here. At first it was okay and I kept at it so I passed one year, but than it got harder and harder and now I feel like Sisyphus, everything I do is pointless and I shouldn't be here. I'm not good enough or smart enough, but this is whats supposed to determine my future. Yet her I am struggling at every lesson and feeling worse and worse. It's easy to smile and joke so that others don't feel stress, but inside I feel like I'm about to burst." I can't help but tear up as I curl in on myself. "I just keep wondering if I should go down this path, but honestly its too late to change it."
There's silence for a while between us as I continue wallowing and she seems to think. "That does sound rough, so what's keeping you from jumping?" Here she stares deep into my eyes, seems even the ageless shinigami is curious as to why I'm still here.
"It's not my time yet, the deadline hasn't arrived yet."
"Deadline," she asks curious. "You have a chosen date?"
"Well it's not a date but a year, I promised myself to live until than at least. See what life throws at me and at least try to do something. It seems morbid, but it kept me from killing myself at 17. It's been almost five years since than."
"So what is your death date then?" She asks seeming interested, "Or the general year?"
I only smile at her though, "Your magic notebook doesn't say when it is?"
"Please if it had the year, you wouldn't be seeing me as much as you do now." Still she pulls out the little book and starts flipping through the pages, after a moment she makes a surprised sound. "This wasn't there before but there's a year next to your name now. So that's the year you chose. Huh, still got some time, means I won't have to keep finding you." She stands and floats in front of me, "But I'll drop by every once in a while until you stop seeing me."
"What happens when I stop seeing you?"
"It means you decided to live."
No comments:
Post a Comment