Tales of the Black Devil

   It was a scorching hot summer day that time. the only people that ventured outside were those that had to, except for children of course. The young ones ran around in their underwear, while the teens decided to stay at the beach, trying to relax in the cool water. You could see the waves of heat lazily hanging in the air and no sea breeze could blow them away.
    So it was unsurprising to find young Radek inside his home, trying to relieve himself from the heat by sticking his head in the freezer. He was too lazy to go to the beach at the moment, but there really wasn't anything better to do. Resigning himself to a boring day he started to go to his room, but stopped when he heard the doorbell. Curious and hopeful he walked up to the door and opened it. On the other side he found his brother's friend Wojtek.
    "Hey Radek, your brother wouldn't happen to be home by any chance?" asked the older boy.
    "Nope, he went off somewhere early in the morning and I'm not sure when he'll be back."
    "Damn, well you wouldn't happen to be free at the moment? I could really use a set of hands."
    Radek thought it over for a second. 'It's not like I have anything better to do at the moment. Besides Wojtek's a pretty fun guy, so this could be interesting.' With those thoughts in mind he grabbed his worn shoes and asked "So what are we doing?"
    The older boy only smiled and spoke "Well we need at least two more sets of hands and then I'll explain."
    "You know the twins from down the street?"
    "The Paks?" The younger ebony boy nodded, "Yup, we've been drinking a few times. Those guys are a hoot when they down a bottle of 40%. Think they'll be able to help?"
    "Yup, they should be home."
    With that figured out the two young adults went down the road to go and get the twin Maks and Oliver, who were luckily just as bored as Radek and would gladly leave the house. The group made there way to Wojtek's sister's house and while walking there Wojtek explained what he needed help with.
    Well he needed extra hands to carry his sisters couch to her new apartment. Usually you just get a truck for an hour that way it's done without a fuss and that what his sister wanted him to do, but Wojtek thought differently. You see his sister trusted him, so she handed him a hundred and figured that would be enough to get a truck, but when Wojtek saw the money, well he couldn't help himself.
    So he made a plan, get some extra help, carry the couch across town and then buy some good cold alcohol to beat the summer heat. The couch wasn't that heavy, the distance was only about three kilometers, so he saw no problems with the plan.
    That's what he explain to the his three helpers and all of them readily agreed to the plan. So they started carrying the couch, two at each end, with little difficulty. After a while though Maks spoke up "I'm getting tired. Can we take a break?"
    "Sure," replied Wojtek and putting the couch down he noticed a store across from them. "I'll be right back." The rest of the group just sprawled out on the couch, ignoring the passing pedestrian as they openly stared at them. A few minutes later Wojtek was back carrying a nice, cold bottle of wine. "Something to motivate us to finish this job quicker," he smiled cockily and passed the bottle around. All of them took a swig and they kept passing it between the four of them until it was empty. Once the contents were gone they stood up and got back to work.
    And thus the pattern continue, when someone got tired they would ask for a break and each time a store just so happened to be nearby, resulting in Wojtek going to buy another cool bottle of wine. Soon the group got tipsy, yet they somehow managed to continue carrying the couch. Eventually thought they could no longer stand and they placed the couch down in front of a bricked building. It was pure luck that it happened to be where they were suppose to deliver the couch in the first place. Yet the state they were in left them completely unaware of their surroundings.
    Sarah happened upon them while walking out of her new building. It was a sight to behold. There right next to the entrance stood her worn, brown, leather couch and on her couch she found three passed out boys. She recognized all of them, as she had seen them hanging with her brother before, but she was surprised with their presence.
    The way they were sleeping/ passed out made her wish she had a camera. Radek was sprawled across the couch, laying on his belly with his face resting on one of the arm rests, but his feet were sliding off the other side and were now resting on the floor. One of the twins, she couldn't tell them apart, was laying in the vacated spot where Radek's feet once were with his own feet draped across Radek's back as if it were a coffee table. The final twin was propped up against Radek's hanging feet, looking like a giant rag doll.
    Walking closer to them she smelled there breaths and immediately figured out what happened. "It seems I just can't trust my brother," she sighed trying to see if he was somewhere nearby. She decided to try to wake one of the passed out males, but it seemed to be in vain, until Radek suddenly came to. He looked at her bleary eyed and confused. It took him a moment to understand what she was saying, but finally he responded, "Oh, Wojtek. He feel asleep on a bench somewhere along the way once the money was gone." With that he promptly fell asleep again.
    Sarah only sighed at her brothers antics, really the man was 26, yet he could come up with these crazy schemes. Being the caring older sister she was, she went off to find her drunk of a brother. She was never going to trust him with money again.

All the boys lay oblivious to her violent thoughts, enjoying the buzz they had and glad to have beaten the summer heat in there own way. 

      

The white room

    I've been in here for a while now, curled up in a ball, my head resting on my knees and my eyes vacant. This is not a dream, at least I don't think it is. I was awake when I first entered here,but now I might not be. I'm aware it makes little sense, but it's difficult to explain. I'm in a bare white room inside of my mindscape. It's fairly new and was created by me not that long ago, but I find myself using it more and more as of late. It's my bunker room, the one that locks me out of all my emotions while they run wild outside allowing me to feel numb for a while. I used to sit it out here until I calmed a bit and was able to function, now though I'm finding it difficult to leave.
    The numbness I feel here allows me to think somewhat clearly and the conclusion I'm coming to is not pleasant in any way. It makes me ache inside, but I really see no other way. I can't deal with all these feelings and this extra level of stress is killing me right now. How many times have I gone into a mini panic attack within the last two weeks? How many afternoons have I spent curled up in a corner trying to slow my breathing, trying to calm down only to fail and cry for an hour? I would want nothing more than to go to someone close to me and just curl up in their arms and for a few moments forget about these trouble, forget about these worries.
    There is no one I can go to anymore. Well that is a bit of a stretch, but those who I can go to can't help me. There is one person I should go to with this problem, but I can't go to him, because there's nothing that he can do. He can't cleanse me of my fears, my worries, my panic. He probably wouldn't understand my problem all that much to begin with, truth be told I don't understand it completely either. All I know is that if it ever happened I would contemplate about moving up that day. I'm so terrified of it happening. Just thinking about it now makes me want to curl in on myself and disappear forever.
    It's a natural process in life, that shouldn't be terror inducing, but just thinking about it makes me tremble. The fear consumes me whole and I forget to breath. That's why I'm here again in my white panic room, trying to block out the emotions inside me. Trying and failing to come up with a solution that does not end in sadness and pain. One that could very well lead down to that dark corridor again, the one that I was stuck in for two years of my life. I don't want to go back there, but I'm afraid I'll be too weak and once again there will be a reason I wear gloves on my hands, a purpose for their presence aside from being a reminder of that dark time.
    Damn it! It's been a year almost since I last picked up a knife and even thought about the act, but at this moment it calls to me. Whispers at the back of my mind, reminding me that it can help take off some of the stress. Relieve me and give me back some control. I'm done with it though. There's no way I'm going back to those days, I refuse to. I really don't want to. Those were such dark days.
The only other solution that comes to mind is just as unpleasant and it could also lead me down that dark corridor. Thing is this one would end in the sadness of two parties. I don't want to do that to him, just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes. I would never want to cause him pain, yet here I am thinking about breaking his heart, because I'm not ready, because I'm too weak, too scared. I'm so fucking scared and I'm so tired of all of this.
    Why couldn't I have been born a boy? I wouldn't have to worry about this at all. At least in a much smaller way. It wouldn't bring me into a small panic induced state. It wouldn't cause me sleepless nights or terrible nightmares that I can never remember in the morning. It wouldn't leave me counting down to the day I once dreaded. It's now the day I'm looking for relief. Not sure if I can wait that long though I'm tempted to go out and buy a test. Sure it makes me seem like a paranoid mothertrucker, but at least it would calm me.
    What then though? Say I get my day of relief, I go through it's annoyances and continue on, but then what do we just stop? Because I can't hold up mentally? Because I'm so terrified of the consequences I can't function anymore? That wouldn't be far to him, so the most logical thing to do would be to end it, but I really don't want to.
    Is it selfish of me to keep someone in a relationship that isn't going somewhere? Yes, absolutely and positively yes. So the only thing for me to do is end it, but I don't want to. I don't want to, but I'm so scared of this stupid natural process that I can't go on like this. I'm not ready. I've pushed myself to try harder, to be more open with him to try new things, because I wanted to get over that fear. In the beginning I thought it had worked, after a few days I noticed a new wall had come up. This one wasn't the fear of the unknown, of the what ifs and so on. No, this wall had a clear purpose. It was a giant warning sign reminding me of the consequences of our actions. Even with protection there is that 2% chance that something could happen. It's such a small number, such a small possibility, but I'm terrified anyway.
    It makes me laugh at myself, because I've done stupid things that had higher percentage failure rates in the past, yet have done them with little thought about my safety. I guess this is different though, bodily harm to myself is not the same as this. This could change the dynamic of so many things and it involves something so innocent that I can't even comprehend.
    I just have to wait till that day of once annoyance now relief, wondering and hoping that my paranoia, my fear is just that. What then? I wish I had an answer to that. I really did, but all my solutions have terrible consequences and each of them are sad in their own right.

Maybe I'll see you around, but don't count on it. 

       

Garden Albino

    When I opened my eyes I felt weightless, as if I was in the air. Looking down I found that I was in the sky, but more precisely I was flying in the sky. Such a strange dream I think as I continue to soar through the clouds. Enjoying the wind wrap around my body and carry me endlessly forward. Despite my light hearted dream my conscious felt heavy and as soon as I registered this I felt myself fall. Where seconds ago I was soaring now I seemed to be falling.
    I wasn't scared though, for I knew this was a dream and no harm could come to me, physically at least. It seemed I was headed towards the sea. My nose only managed to recognize the salty smell before I was suddenly engulfed by the waves. My body seemed to weigh a ton as I just continued to sink. Fear started to settle in me and I had to remind myself that this was a dream and thus I could breath underwater. I closed my eyes for a moment to calm myself, remind myself that this was a dream and I could awaken at any time. When I opened them again I found myself surrounded by darkness. Still falling, although it only lasted for another moment.
    Suddenly my body seemed to smack into solid ground. The hit literally took my breath away and I found myself heaving on the floor.I must have fazed through the water. I wish I could wake up. Standing I started to walk in a random direction, humming to myself to pass the time. It took me a few moments to realize where I was. The sewers. The same sewers from one of my past dreams. I have to start running. Who knows how long I have till it starts chasing me again.
    My surroundings started to look familiar and I avoided looking at the ladder that would bring me to the stadium. It's just a dream, You'll be fine just keep running. I ignore the sounds starting up behind me. The hissing, that sounded like laughter. The shiver of fear crawling through me. Ignore it. Ignore it. None of this is real. Just keep running.
    Finally I happen upon an old metal door. Seeing no end to the sewers I chance the door and run through, only to find a huge garden. It was filled with fauna, flowers, trees and bushes. All of it overflowing, as if it was trying to consume the land. I started to make my way through it. There has to be a way out of here. I push through some bushes, acquiring a few cuts that I ignore, only to find myself in a clearing. That seemed to have no way out.
    No, no, no, no, no! There has to be a way out! I'm not going to let this thing defeat me again! Calm yourself. I took a deep breath and looked at my surroundings. What could I use to protect myself? The only thing I could find seemed to be a rose bush with long, thin, flexible vines and sharp thorns. I broke a few off. Ignoring the stinging in my hands and wrapped them around my fists. they weren't the best, but they would do. I closed my eyes and waited. It had the upper hand here despite its pale body, so I would wait for the snake. It's coming for me anyways.
    I waited till I heard the rustling of leaves and counted to three before sharply turning around punching whatever was behind me. Satisfaction ran through me as I heard a pained hiss. I only managed to catch a glimpse of its retreating tail though. So I closed my eyes again and waited. When I heard the rustling again I prepared myself  to strike once more. This time I missed and the attack came from the front, not the back. I muffled my scream as I felt the snake bite into my shoulder and I did my best to kick it off and give it a few punches. Again it retreated.
    I hate this cat and mouse game. Why can't I just wake up? I focused on the sounds around me, but instead of hissing I hear something worse- his voice. He's speaking to me! What no! He can't be here! Damn it not again! I won't let it end like this again. But I start to hear him scream and I can't stop myself from running towards that noise. This is of course it's plan and my downfall for as soon as I get to the edge of the clearing I find myself wrapped up in bone white coils with two pale eyes smirking back at me. His screams can be heard in the distance and I struggle against my binds. Forgetting that this is all a dream, a nightmare. That this isn't real. The last thing I hear is the crunching of bones and darkness consumes me again.
    My eyes snap open and I gasp for breath, struggling to sit upright, trying to remind myself that it was only a dream and that this is real. This is reality. I look to the sleeping body just feet away from me and my heart calms when I see his even breaths. My mind blocks the screams I heard moments before and I let out a breath. It was just a dream. I curl back under the covers and can't help but settle myself as close as possible to the body next to me. It isn't until I feel his heat that I'm fully calmed and I allow myself to relax.
    Do you know how many nightmare of mine you star in? Of course you don't, because I never tell you. I keep everything bottled up inside me, because I'm afraid of so many things.That monster that I'm running from and fighting is a personification of all those fears. It keeps me from being fully honest with you. It keeps me from allowing myself to touch you more. To hug you and kiss you whenever I wish. To just text you or talk to you. It, no I hold myself back because of this stupid fear. I wish I wasn't afraid.

 I'm such a coward.