Talk and Change

I don't really write here anymore. Not because I don't need to, but because I don't want to. Things still plague my mind, never as bad as it once was, but they are still there. Instead of writing here though I let it build up until I end up writing a letter inside of an old notebook. I've written three of them in the past 6 months, only one was shared to the addresse the other two still gather dust in that innocent blue notebook lost among school notes and math calculations.

The main reason I don't write here is because I don't want to talk about relationship problems between Aster and I. I want to preserve the beauty of me falling in love with them on here and not the slow downfall of our relationship. When I read old blog posts I want to cry tears of joy, not bitter regret.

Although that isn't the main excuse. Why don't I write on here any more? Because I'm afraid that people will read these posts and think I'm in a toxic relationship and urge me to break up with Aster. Which isn't the case. Our relationship isn't toxic, but filled with miscommunications and misunderstandings. Some of them are the result of a culture and language barrier, others stem from neither of us being able to express ourselves or our emotions. And when I do get the courage to talk or say whats wrong things change for a day and then go back to normal.

Sometimes I feel like when I do talk it's not heard or understood.

While I feel like you don't talk enough.

I wish we could both just talk and listen and change together.