Hello thrice

So you've finally decided to come back.
Ya, you're unfortunately back here again, sorry.
I'd shout at you and get angry, but your angry enough at yourself. So I feel my input would do little if I just yelled at you. Come sit.

They pat the monochromatic ground next to them, right on the edge of the cliff. I know what will happen when I go down there, but I guess it just shows how bad my state of my mind is when I sit down next to them without hesitation. 

That bad huh?
Probably, you know me better than I do at this point.
Well I have been up here a total of three times so far, always around the same time of year. Could you switch it up occasionally? I'd like to see how the tree looks in winter.

Shrugging my shoulders I look back at the giant willow behind us. It's silver-gray bark blending in with the gray mist surrounding it, the only thing keeping it from getting completely lost in the background are the colorful leaves. Not all of them, most are black, but there are plenty of blues and greens shining brightly among them. Are there more?

Yes, actually there are. Why do you look so surprised? Despite the shitty year you've made quite a few good memories.
I guess you're right about that. Despite the shit school life I've been having, my private life has been blooming.
You focused too much on that. Not that I can really blame you. We're a lazy creature.
That is unfortunately very true.
Why does that always bother you so much, even though you're able to easily admit it. 
Probably because I hope that the more I admit it aloud the easier it will become to accept. It hasn't helped though.
You keep comparing yourself to others. Worrying about what your dad expects of you and just little things that you really shouldn't worry about.
I know, it's frustrating because I'm aware of these things, but I keep doing them anyway.
Maybe that's something I can beat out of you?
Ha, funny.
I try.

We fall into a silence as I watch my feet dangling from the edge. It'd be so easy to just push myself off. Just go deeper, but despite the stress there is little want just a need for release. It's strange.

Isn't it. For the first time in a long while you feel no pull whatsoever. 
But surely earlier?
Nope, you were very accepting, but you still felt the pull. Now though, it's gone. You may fall back on to old habits to relieve stress, but the need to just fall, well lucky you, that's gone.
For good?
I only receive a smile in return, because we both know the answer to that.
So this means I can't just give up.
You said it.
Even though I hate it.
You still know you have to finish it.
Fuck, I hate this.
I know. I also know you'll pull through. You're a stubborn one, that's one thing you never say aloud but are proud of.
Get out of here, shoo, before you give me a big head.
Oy, I should be the one shooing you. You brought me up here again!
Well ya, you should just expect to randomly show up here once a year, get used to it.

They smack me on the back of the head, before jumping into the dark pit. Where for the first time in a while I really don't feel the need to jump in after. Instead I turn back to my beautiful willow, there really are more colorful leaves now.