New Year's Eve

There's no snow.

There's no massive party.

The whole family hasn't come together.

It hasn't been like that in a long time.

But this isn't a complaint.

It's not a tragic story of how a family no longer comes together.

Now it's about a different family.

One where everyone is close to the same age, 

the only elders are called old jokingly. 

While the young one's are really just above 18.

It's non-conventional, but it's new years eve. 

With how old everyone is, it's not surprising everyone is finding time with people that aren't family. Even those that still have family together.

Still I use to not care about new years eve.

I never really had friends here to spend that evening with.

Now though, as much as I pretend to not care, spending new year's eve with a group of friends that I can think of as a second family.

Well that just makes all the chaos and the noise

 worth the laughs.

SIckly Tired

    I don't sleep well on my own. My body always seems to have trouble falling asleep while my mind races. At night time I seem to think the most. All the thoughts I push to the side during the day seem to come alive right when I'm trying to fall asleep. So instead of sleeping I lay in my bed, trying to calm my thoughts and hoping I fall asleep within the hour. Sometimes it happens other times I fall into a light snooze, until I eventually fall into a deeper sleep.
    Usually if I have trouble sleeping I'll make up a story in my head, give my brain something to focus on until my body finally passes out. They tend to be fantasy stories or remakes of novels or shows I've watched, but occasionally when I don't have the strength to fight with myself, they're stories of my life.
    I try to stay away from these types of stories. I've learned the hard way that they can ruin me mentally, but every once in a  while when my brain just isn't thinking straight I fall into them. Last night was one of those nights. I was sick, still sort of am, with clogged sinuses and a constant headache. I went to sleep early last night, as I could no longer keep my eyes open while reading my book, and fell into a dreamless sleep.
    Although because I went to sleep so early I ended up waking up around three in the morning, but I was desperate to get more sleep, since I'd only slept about 7 hours and wanted to get at least 9, so I laid in bed trying to relax and let my brain fall into story land. Now that I'm writing this down they seem so stupid and silly, yet they helped me fall asleep and brought me some amount of comfort.
    Last night trying to fall asleep I think I dreamt up at least 4 different scenarios of Aster just coming into my room and sleeping in our bed. They were all innocent and pg stories too. Once I woke up to someone opening the door and I started freaking out cause I thought there was a burglar only for his head to pop through the crack, scaring the shit out of me. Another time I was stretching out my hand in bed and got confused as to why I hit something and he was there sleeping next to me. And on they go, silly stupid things like that.
    My brain and I both know that for some reason I sleep best when Asters sleeping next to me. I tend to fall asleep faster when he's over, I rarely wake up in the middle of the night when he's here and I don't think I've ever had a nightmare with him here either.
    Even though I'm sick, it makes me want him here all the more. It's a selfish thought. That's why this weekend I'm alone. No need for the both of us to get sick.