An Old You

Do you ever wonder what happened to the younger you, the child you?

You know, the one that saw the world and wasn't afraid of it's vastness.

Had dreams for the future that never seemed too big or small.

Wanted to grow up and see the world without anything holding them back.

That innocent you, unaware of so many things, yet still so happy with everything around them.

So naive and childish, but that is exactly what you were for the longest time.

One day though you grew up.

It didn't happen over night, nor were you aware of it, but it happened. You probably didn't realize it until you looked back and really thought about it.

Still it's not something you want to think about, because honestly you don't know what happened to the younger you. The one filled with dreams and hope, innocents that is no longer within you, a purer you, you could almost say.

What happened to them?

Were they snuffed out by those around them?

Stomped into the ground by self preservation in the hope to better blend in with their surroundings?

Did they adapt in order to live more comfortably, safer?

Could you yourself have killed them off? Like an old childhood friend that you no longer had anything in common with?

Because in order to get to know the world you had to grow up, so you had to leave your childish self behind. 

For their naivety was something that you no longer could hold on to. Their hopes and dreams that they had scarred and overwhelmed you.  Their innocence and pureness felt so foreign to you, that you stepped away, because you didn't want to taint them. 

Your past self. Something that was your beginning, but now is just a stranger that you can't understand. 

Sometimes you look back and wonder, was that really what I did, how I acted. Sometimes you can't even remember them. All you have to go on are glimpses that remind you of what you were.

That doesn't keep you from thinking- what if?

Doesn't keep you from wondering, if the small bit of white innocents filled with the hopes and dreams that only a child can have, is still in you somewhere.

You try not to think about it anyway, wondering where they went, if they are still maybe here, somewhere, hidden. If all that's left are traces of something you once were or have they been snuffed out.

Still when you do look back you smile while thinking of a fond memory, because a long time ago, before the world changed you, you were that innocent ball of light that so many others once were.