Fake smile?

    I'm so tired. My nights are always restless these days, well they have been for the past two months, but these last two weeks have been terrible. My work load isn't that bad. I'm managing everything, but I haven't really gotten to see Aster much recently. Those days where we spent Friday till Sunday together are gone. He has to many things to do just like me. Still those nights where we slept in the same bed, even though it was from three to ten, they were my saviors.
     Those were the only nights I could sleep peacefully and without worry. There was somebody there to remind me that reality is real and the darkness hasn't taken over. Now I can't even peer into the darkness in fear that I will see something, anything that my mind will decide to conjure. They never calm me. My sleep's so lackluster that it's starting to affect the way I think and act. Or maybe I'm just fucking tired of everything.
    Tired, sick of feeling this loneliness at night, jealous of my father cause he gets to see his girlfriend three times a week, tired of just going to school and being open yet no one wants to be friends. That last one is probably the worst.
    I've been going to school for a month and a half now. I'm over the moon that I'm studying something I'm actually interested in, really helps motivate me to work hard. I can't complain about my schedule, the professors are friendly and helpful, it's just I can't seem to find even ground with my 'year mates.' I will admit I wasn't particularly trying to get to know my assigned group mates at the beginning of the year, but I was really more interested in studying the material given to us so that I would have it a bit easier now.
    It probably doesn't help that the one guy who seems to be as big of an outsider as I am is perfectly fine with being alone. I'm slowly chipping into his hard shell, he seems more tolerant of me though than anything else. This all just frustrates me. I'm so tired of all the small talk, the fucking fake(?) smiles, the niceties and bull crap. I'm sick of all of this polite shit, so that maybe someone will like me as more than an acquaintance, someone will think hey this chick is weird, but I'm okay with that. Cause I'm not hiding myself, no fucking way. This is who I am, see something you don't like than FUCK OFF.
    Shit, seems this bothers me a lot more than I realized. Guess I just thought that after living here for six plus years and going through three different classes and two schools I would have something more than just acquaintances here. My dad always told me that the friends you make in college are the friends that carry you for the rest of your life.

What if I don't make any friends? 

What if I'm alone till the end?

Do I want that?

It'd be easier, but so empty.

I hate feeling empty.