Pool Cue

You hold the cue with elegance and confidence as you walk up to the table.

Your eyes focused on the table before you, deciding. 

It only takes a second, but you aim your cue, carefully line up your shot and lightly hit the cue ball.

To some it would seem like its not strong enough of a shot, but you smirk and your eyes light up as the intended ball falls into the pocket without even touching the tables edge. A clean shot, one that sparks joy, but it only lasts a second as once more your mind races looking at the table.

You choose your next target. Its a bit of a trickier shot, but you focus and nimbly line up the shot, concentrated on getting just the right angle. Another light tap and the cue ball just grazes your target, but it's enough and it falls with a hard thunk into a pocket. 

There's only one ball left and you smile lightly to yourself enjoying the game before you, the challenge this has created and the satisfaction it brings you. 

Your eyes harden as you prepare to line up your shot. You think about it for a moment, which angle would bring you to success before you nod, your decision made. Cue straight and steady, fingers poised, you make the hit.

In the end, the win doesn't matter to you.

As the entire time you play your eyes show the calculations running through your head and you wear a satisfied smirk on your face as you watch your opponent play.

Dead Flowers

The spark is gone. 

It's still warm, comfortable and inviting, but the spark is gone.

There's no giddiness, no butterflies, honestly there's barely time.

The love is still there, but the passion and romance has long since faded away.

It's inevitable with relationships and at some point this is when some people step away. Searching for a new spark, but I'm sitting at a damp fire pit with my flit and rock trying to get anything going. Trying to get any kind of spark to appear again.

It's cold.

I try to surprise them with chocolates, little love notes, make their favorite dinner and doing all the chores, so that they can have a free evening. They never notice though. 

Sometimes it feels like I'm shouting into a void. 

At those times I start to draw back, stop putting in effort and that's when I hear something on the other side. It's quiet, barely a whisper, but I hear it and think 'They must have noticed!'

My efforts start up once again and the cycle continues. 

I'm getting tired of this cycle. 

It makes me wonder if I'm putting too much effort into this relationship. Or are my expectations too high? Would it kill them to have a date night even once a month? To hug me once a day and maybe even a peck on the cheek?

I'm tired of this cycle.

So instead, I slip back into a toxic habit.

Reading about relationships that have passion, love and comfort. Close my eyes and imagine for the night that I was in that world. It's a habit I'll have to break again.

But for just one night, I want to love and feel loved.