Alone

Sometimes you just want to be alone.

    There are days where I can almost always be around someone and be perfectly fine. On the other side of the spectrum there are days where I just wish to be left alone.
    I don't feel like speaking, nor laughing, nor expressing my emotions in any degree. I just kind of want to feel numb for a bit. Just get a bit of alone time where my brain doesn't have to do anything.
    One of my biggest problems is over thinking things. I just think too much sometimes. Whether it's about a situation, person or action. My brain will take it and over analyze it to hell. When I'm tired or exhausted this becomes even worse, especially since I tend to lean on the darker theories more than the positive ones.
    That's why sometimes I just want to be alone for a bit. Just give me a week of solitude where I can sit in my room and not have to worry about others for a little bit. Where I can just empty out my thoughts and clear my brain of all the mush.
    It's probably selfish to do such things, purposefully isolating yourself from the world. It's something that I know is wrong, but I still do it. The bad part is whenever I do this I will sometimes have darker thoughts than entirely necessary.
    My mind whispers that hey maybe it's a good time to break it off with Aster. I'll think up scenarios where I die and than wonder who I would speak my final words to, what I would say. I cry, I wallow, I let myself feel my self-hatred I drown myself in my negative emotions, all the while ignoring the cancerous voices in my head.
    Because when I do this, it's not to make myself feel bad or terrible, it's more of a catharsis than anything else. As fucked up as that sounds and as strange as this is going to seem. Sometimes just like how I need my solitude, there are times where I just need to delve into my negative emotions. Acknowledging them and accepting them.
    That way I can keep expressing the positive emotions to others while keeping the negative ones to myself. One day this will probably get me in trouble, but for now I'll continue this cycle. As long as it keeps me stable I should be okay.

Scenes of Sound

    A long time ago I used to watch a lot of anime. We're talking about the early 2000's where the kings of Shounen  Jump magazine were One Piece, Naruto and Bleach. Those were the days of the classic shounen based anime where a boy had some kind of adventure or destiny ahead of him.
    They were amazing and thrilling and honestly the best way I could have possibly spent my time in my middle school years. I don't watch anime anymore, not really. Once or twice a year I'll sit down and binge watch something when I get sick or don't want to leave the house, but the days of me staying home for hours on end to finish the season of my latest favorite are long gone.
    It's stupid to say this but I'm overwhelmed by the amount of new anime out there and after having lost touch with it for so long I'm a bit afraid to delve back in. Still this isn't about that.
    This is about music, specifically the songs that take me back to the days of yonder. Even though I no longer watch anime I occasionally find myself delving into the soundtracks of passed anime. It's something I've been doing more and more ever since I started playing Persona 5, there's something I've noticed while listening to a few songs.
    The songs from past watched anime, that were loved and adored by my younger self, ignite feelings inside of me that I haven't felt in such a long time. Most of the songs are instrumental, but I find myself whistling or humming along anyway. There are some that bring me chills and if I close my eyes I can picture certain scenes from the shows.

Precipice of Defeat - Bleach
I picture the first time Ichigo and Rukia meet, both about to die. So Rukia holds up her sword and Ichigo pierces himself with it in order to gain her powers. Thus saving them both and becoming a substitute shinigami.

Battle Ignition - Bleach
Ichigo stands before the shinigami forces in soul society. Rukia at his side about to be rescued from execution, but before they can escape Ichigo has to face off once again with Byakuya Capitan of the 6th division. This time he can't loose, but his eyes are clear, his resolve solid. They will win and escape.

Soundscape To Ardor- Bleach
Orihime has to give herself up to the enemy. They want her healing powers for themselves. If she doesn't come with them, they'll kill her friends. She knows they aren't strong enough, so in the dead of night she surrenders herself. Knowing that Ichigo will come for her and the journey will make him strong enough to save her.

Never Meant To Belong - Bleach
Rukia is in a pure white tower. She gave herself up to the soul society so Ichigo would be spared. She's isolated in a tower, reminiscing about her time in the human world and not regretting her choices. Meanwhile she mourns for the friends she's going to lose, unaware that they are coming to get her back.

Need to be strong - Naruto
Naruto and Gara are battling it out just outside of the village of Konoha. Gara's bijju has completely taken over his mind, while Naruto fights to free him and prove that just because you have a monster inside of you doesn't mean you have to be evil.

Strong and strike & TurnOver - Naruto
The battle seems hopeless everyone looks like there about to give in, but Naruto is adamant about beating the enemy. He refuses to give in, because there is always a way to win. As always he gets out his rasengan and destroys them after a long and tiring battle.

Sadness and sorrow - Naruto
There's a little boy with bright blond hair and whisker marks on his cheeks. Swinging alone away from everyone, because no one wants to play with the monster of the village.

Loneliness & Nightfall - Naruto
He's gone. The only man who was like a father to him, his master is gone. Naruto sits on a bench staring at a blue Popsicle that Pervy-Sage would always split with him. He used to complain that they should just get two, that way they'd get more ice cream each. Now though, he just wishes he still had someone to split it with.

Despair - Naruto
A little boy with bright red hair is holding on to the last piece of his heart. Everyone in the village hated him and was scared of him, even his older sibling were afraid. His father thought of him as a tool and he didn't have his mother, but he had his Uncle who loved him and taught him and cared for him. He just stopped someone from assassinating him again, but this time when he peeled back the mask he didn't see another sand ninja, but his beloved Uncle staring at him with hate filled eyes. This is how Gara lost his heart.

Uunan and the Stone - One Piece
For once the crew isn't happy-go-lucky, no. They have to go and save one of their own from the hands of the government. Robin may have left them, but they refuse to let her sacrifice herself out of some wrong sense of justice. They are getting there historian back!

Departure of the King of Pirates - One Piece
It's time to say goodbye to a new friend. For his dream is to become a Navy Admiral while Luffy is going to be the king of the pirates! They'll still be friends even if they are on different paths.

Angry - One Piece
They hurt Nami. They hurt his navigator and they made her cry. No one and he means no one treats his crew like that. So Luffy goes to the fish men base with a declaration for battle.

Tsuna Awakens - Katekyo Hitman Reborn
Tsuna has finally found his strength and is calm enough to focus  and use his flames to the fullest. He has no choice. He has to beat Xanus and become the next boss of the mafia family or else all his friends will die. It's do or die. And for once the nervous boy is calm and cool, ready to fight and win.

    There's so many more I could go through. Just picking pieces of music and letting my emotions wash over me, but I'll spare you. You've probably read more than enough. This is just something I wanted to write down in the hopes that I will remember this for as long as possible.