Sleep

My thoughts seemed to be particularly slow on that day. It honestly wasn't that surprising for me. I hadn't been sleeping that well as of late. Emotional stress kept me from from falling asleep, only allowing me to go into a light meditative state, where I was able to get some sleep. Until I eventually passed out. This had been going on for a couple of days now and wasn't helping me with my studies. It caused me to make more mistakes, count slower and just fuck up more than usual. I started taking naps during the day so I could somehow get my work done. This helped with my energy, but I could still feel the hidden tension inside, wanting to be let out. I wouldn't let it though, for it'd only cause pointless arguments and even more emotions that I wouldn't be able to handle.
I decided to spend a bit of time with Aster, he is usually able to ease my tension away with just his closeness. So we spent the day together, making cookies, playing a dating sim and watching a movie. It was what I needed and it helped me quite a bit. The tornado seemed to calm for a while, even though I knew as soon as he leaves and I get ready to greet Morpheus than it will return and sleep will once again evade me.
Once the movie was over and I saw that the time was 22:36 and it was time to drive him home. I really didn't want to. I wanted him to stay for just a while longer so that the burden would be gone for just a while longer. When I reached for my wallet and started searching for my keys I let out a long unintended sigh. This prompted a question from Aster, "Cooooooo?" [Trans:what? (actual spelling Co?)] I quickly covered it up by saying I was feeling lazy and didn't feel like driving him, so couldn't he just stay the night. He answered by spreading his arms and I admit it to me a moment to understand his gesture. 'I'm yours.' I hugged him tightly once I realized what he meant. He probably had no idea how much the gesture meant to me, still I was overjoyed. We ended up goofing off on the internet until 2 am. Then decided to get to sleep.
Aster had slept over at my house a few times, but he always slept on the extra mattress in my room. My bed was a twin, so we wouldn't be very comfortable sleeping in it together. I wanted to do the irrational thing and ask him if we could sleep together. It'd be a bit of a tight squeeze, but we'd fit on the twin. I didn't though, instead I pulled out the extra mattress and went to go get changed. When I got back I found Aster lying on my bed, cocooned inside a blanket and I couldn't help but laugh at his silliness. Without missing a beat I told him if he was sleeping here he would have to skooch over and I then pulled my covers out from under him and promptly got into bed. Aster didn't protest and instead stripped to his underwear, since he didn't have pj's, and promptly got comfortable.
This filled me with warmth and I was lost in thoughts for a few minutes when I tried to remember the last time I slept this close to anybody. The only thing that came to mind was sleepovers at Larkspurs house when she had the high bed. After that crossed my mind I easily fell asleep for the first time in a good few days.
I awoke in the middle of the night. My bladder wishing to be emptied and I was surprised to find that an arm was wrapped around me. I could feel a light breeze on my neck and realized that Asters head was right next to mine, practically in the crook of my neck. It was almost like we were spooning, except I was sleeping on my back, not my side. For the first time I found myself regretting my need to go to the bathroom, because I felt really safe and warm and dare I say it cared for. I really didn't want to move, but eventually I had to use the loo.
When I got back I curled up on my side, grumbling at my bladder for its timing and regretting the lose of bodily contact. So I was extremely surprised when not a moment later an arm snaked around my side and pulled me closer. This time we were indeed spooning and I dearly wished this would last forever.
During the night I woke a few times, either to change the position Aster had somehow gotten me in or to him getting up to use the loo himself. I was surprised when I found myself refreshed after my final waking, slightly disappointed though when I noticed there was no arm around me. I didn't much mind though, since it would make for an easier escape. Maybe I could get up and dressed without waking him. I checked the time on my phone though and seeing it was after 9 decided to get up. As soon as I put my phone down on my nightstand though an arm snaked around my side once again and Aster pulled me closer, refusing to let me leave.
This time I knew he was awake, because he reacted too quickly for him to actually be sleeping. I couldn't help but smile like a school girl when I looked at him though, trying to hide it with an amused/ questioning grin. He only snuggled into me and tangled out legs together so that I'd have a harder time trying to escape. I admit, I gave in for a bit, enjoying the peace and the calm, so for the first time in a forever I think, I layed around in bed for longer than necessary for no reason what so ever. Those were a wonderful 40-something minutes. The sleep I had was something I dearly needed. It makes me wonder if Aster knew that something was up, even if he never mentioned it, but I'm glad he stayed. I'm ever grateful for him. I think I'm starting to fall. The question now remains: will I be caught at the bottom? Only time will tell.

Maybe I'll see you around.  

    

Another Nightmare

    I'm running. Why am I always running in my dreams? This thought flutters through my mind, but that doesn't make me stop, because I can feel the absolute fear that my dream self feels. It's dark, so dark I can't see where I'm running. What am I running from? I start to slow and after a moment I realize I'm in a sewer system. My eyes search for a ladder while my ears strain to listen for whatever's chasing me. Finally I find a rusty looking ladder seeming to lead out of the sewers, which I quickly start to climb. Something may not be chasing me now, but it could come back at any moment.
    Coming out of the sewers didn't make me feel any safer. In fact I seemed to feel safer down there than I did out here. Where ever here was. I seemed to have entered an arena of some sorts, with the sewer opening sitting at it's very center. The arena was rusted and falling apart, made completely from aged metal. Looking closer I could see dried spots of blood in certain places. This made chills run down my spine and only made me want to escape all the more, but I couldn't find an exit. The arena floor didn't connect to the stands and I was unable to climb the wall dividing them. The only way out was the way I came in. I'll just have to brave the sewers, whatever was chasing me has probably gotten bored and gone to do something else. With those thought's I crept to the opening I came from, but quickly jumped back when I saw two pale eyes staring back at me.
    A giant albino snake slowly slithered out of it's hole, taking his time, as if he knew that his prey wouldn't escape. All this time his eyes stayed on mine and I could only  stare back and watch as the snake coiled itself and prepared to attack. I'm not going to die here! This steeled my resolve, so when the snake finally lunged I dodged and gave him a good kick, before running away. Trying to find some weapon, a shard of glass, anything that would allow me to cut open his skin. I forgot about the voice in the back of my head reminding me that this was a dream and I could easily wake myself, but for once I didn't run away. This time I'd fight back.
    After a few more times of dodging the snakes attack, kicking him and running I'd found something sharp. It was a small piece of worn metal, but it had a sharp tip, so it would have to do. I snatched it up, now fully prepared to finish this once and for all, but when I turned around to confront my enemy, my inner monster, I stopped and stared in terror. The over sized albino snake stood not too far from me with him wrapped up in his coils, suffocating, bloody and pleading for my help. When I tried to take a step forward to attack, to stop his pain, the snake squeezed tighter. This caused him to whimper in pain and I could see tears forming in his eyes. My own started to tear up as well when I realized there was nothing I could do but watch.
    The snake only smiled in sadistic glee, enjoying our suffering. Enjoying the fact that he had one of the few people I cared about wrapped up in his coils. I tried to force myself to wake up. I'd done it plenty of times, so why couldn't I do it now? Wake up, wake up! I closed my eyes to concentrate better and that seemed to be my downfall for as soon as I opened them again two blank greenish blue eyes stared back at me. I screamed.
    I fell out of my bed in a heap on the floor and for a few moments had to wonder if this was reality. Standing on shaky legs I went to make myself a cup of coffee and then sat on the couch staring off into space. That was the first time I hadn't run from a dream, from my monster, from my fears. I stood up to them for once and now I just don't know. So caught up in my thoughts I was that I didn't notice the warm body sitting down next to me, until he kissed me good morning. I was jostled out of my thoughts and once again saw greenish blue eyes, these were not blank though and I couldn't help but hug that body close and cuddle into him.

He's alive, that was just a dream, just a dream.